This is a really nice warstory. You had some fantastic predictions with Haxorus and the comments were insightful without spelling out every last detail. About the Zapdos hax, the problem isn't that it didn't kill Rotom, but that it didn't survive. He probably used Roost in that last turn and since he's faster it would have let him tank the Thunderbolt and kill later. Since Vaporeon had Heal Bell, Zapdos would have been a second threat to Scrafty and possibly would have cost you the match. That said, the rest of the warstory more than makes up for it. Personally, I'm fine with a bit of hax and it really is unavoidable. I'd love to read more from you.
The issue with that was, though, that he had wish on Vaporeon. He could have used his Zapdos later. That bit was relatively misplayed, but meh. Thanks though! I'd love to write more for you :D. Congrats on the archive, btw.
I found this to be pretty good, mainly because of the commentary. The battle was decent but I did find it interesting the whole way through even through the low points. A few strange moves along the way from the opponent but that's fine. And personally a few turns of hax aren't a huge deal-breaker in such a long battle since this is Pokemon.
Thank you! The battle had some misplayed, but I figured it was a good one nonetheless =). I'm glad you enjoyed the commentary.
Well, first off I really liked your commentary. I can see how some found it boring but I really enjoyed the analytical factor of it. Very good for your first.
There are some constructive comment I would like to make though.
First off: Im not sure if Im alone here but I like an introduction that tells you how you were feeling in the beginning in the battle. Were you distracted by a TV show you were watching and decided this would be your last battle for the day? Were you eating dinner while having this battle and choked on some food when something bad happened? It gives a more personal commentary; making it more enjoyable.
On the note of your introduction, It wouldve been nice to give a small analysis of your team that you could reference too later. In the warstory you were mentioning setting up with Scrafty; was that your teams goal? Why do you run T-wave instead of spikes on Ferrothorn? These are questions you couldve answered just below the team preview so your reader felt more in touch. You couldve also wrote a couple sentences about your opponents team like how you we're feeling when you saw that annoying latios or key members of your team you just HAD to keep in order to counter the Mamoswine.
Onto your battle, The hax sorta ruined it and both teams were really boring, if you decide to do this again then use a more different or exciting team that show off not commonly used pokemon. Some misplays also ruined it like foddering rotom when you couldve sacked it later against mamoswine in order to get momentum. Your opponent didnt seem very good or at least the team was pretty bad and took away from any real suspense we wouldve felt if momentum could possibly shift. I understand the more lacklustre battle though because even remotely good ones dont happen very often
On the note of your commentary: Despite me quite liking the predictions, your jokes and how you presented your thought process, there were a couple of things that could be used to spice it up abit. First off use synonyms more often; you used the same terms a lot, especially "wall him for days." Surprisingly there werent many stupid gramatical errors or mistakes except for at turn 15 when you said: "DD to oblivion on the Special Defense drop."It wouldve been better to say Dragon Dance and you meant to write Special Attack drop.
I think thats it. All these mistakes were temporary and I hope you can learn from them because I really enjoyed it and would love to see another. <3
I'm glad you enjoyed my commentary. I didn't particularly see the need for such an introduction because that's not now I am. It's something I'll consider for future stories, though. And likewise, that's for the RMT section. I had Thunder Wave > Spikes, though, because I had Stealth Rock..and Leech Seed. My reactions to the other team, as well, is something I'll keep in mind for a future warstory. The battle part is the thing I disagree with the most, though. I don't see how it was a lackluster battle. It was, for the most part, well played, and was anyone's game at the end. The hax was relatively annoying, but it was all in the beginning; for a 57 turn battle, some hax had to have occurred. It was relatively evened out, but my opponent misplayed the beginning, I agree. The momentum did shift, though! When he paralyzed my Scraggy at the end and the way he played Mamoswine! He could have won :D. I don't see how the teams were boring, at all. Scraggy, Haxorus, Vaporeon, Zapdos, Machamp, Mamoswine..? I don't know what you want for interesting teams...unless by interesting, you'd rather me not use any OU Pokemon at all in the OU tier? I went back and reread it, and I did use that phrase a lot, so thank you for noting that. I'm generally proud of my grammar, so I wasn't expecting there to be anything. Thanks for noting the little mistake at the end; I'll fix it. Finally, I'm glad you did enjoy it.
you are a great writer, just saying
Thanks so much!
