I would like to first start out this press conference by congratulating my team, the Cleveland Escavaliers on their well deserved win this week. You guys played with heart and determination. Even when we lost one of our star players you guys kept fighting. Excellent work and keep the momentum going for our tough matchup against the affrobulls next week.
Due to the unfortunate loss of Assistant Captain Ominous Oppressor, I am glad to announce a new Assistant Captain. Congratulations Human! You have displayed exactly what it means to be an Escavalier, and I expect you and Team Captain DeagleBeagle to continue to excel, and lead this team into the postseason.
Now for the final piece of business today. As Manager of the Cleveland Escavaliers, I am proud to announce the signing of a Free Agent, to be a new addition to this team and take over where Ominous Oppressor left off. He is a hard working and determined individual, and has had big accomplishments in the past. Please give a big round of applause for the new addition to the Cleveland Escavaliers, twash!