hogg's guide to acknowledging hax
You've done all you can do to win the game, from the months of scouting to getting the timing of your pre-game shit
just right. You go into the match feeling like a champion - but gods be damned, Luck has decided NOT to be a Lady tonight, and in what might be the most embarrassing eighty-four seconds of your young life, you've gone down in flames.
Now you've crawled your way back on to the Smogon forums, and it's time to say something about the game and move on. You see an alert that your opponent posted in the tournament thread, and you go to see how profusely he apologized for the shitfest of a game he just played. Perhaps he will even have offered to give you the win (which you, being a gentleman, will nobly refuse)! You click on the alert and...
"Won, gg."
Won, gg?
Good game?!! Sweet sassy molassy, was he even playing the same game as you? What about the six consecutive rounds you spent fully paralyzed? Or the fact that you missed three out of four Blizzards, while all his Hurricanes hit? What about the fact that a whopping 73% of his rolls were, in fact, above average rolls?! This won't stand. Not now, not ever.
But wait - before you post, take a moment and read this guide, so you can know what people will
really think of you after you post.
- The Tryhard
"Yeah good game, kind of sucked that I was paralyzed so much, and I dunno if you noticed but you got a lot of high rolls there, I think I probably could have won the game if not for that. Still was a pretty close game in the end though, if even one of your Hurricanes in the sun missed I think I might have had a chance in the end. Oh well, just my luck I guess, gg and I hope the next one is cleaner."
You may think you're just telling it like it is while staying surprisingly civil, but nobody likes a crybaby. Before long, literally tens of people will have read your post and become infuriated that you were not gracious enough to just let your opponent revel in his win. Are you really so insecure that you can't just say "good game" and move on? Are you so stuck up that you have to blame the RNG for your loss? Is it really so hard to believe that maybe you just got outplayed? A better player would have found a way to play through those seventeen turns you spent smacking yourself in the face in confusion. A better player wouldn't have brought a team that can't handle getting critted every other team.
Anyhow, maybe you'd better switch to something soothing like chess, because Pokemon is a cruel mistress, and might not be the game for you.
- The Firecracker
"Man you must not have been watching the same game as I was, that was a total fucking robbery. Seriously, your plan was to stay in on my Blizzard with your Jumpluff and... what, just lose to that Machoke I've got sitting in the back that stomps on everything else on your team? You're a garbage player and you got rewarded for being garbage. You haxed me right and left and you still only barely managed to hang on to a win by the skin of your shriveled balls. Hope you go down in flames against CharizardLover9000 next week, CHUMP."
Woah, there, cowboy, let's settle down a bit. Pop a prozac and take a deep breath. People who read this aren't going to think you're edgy; they're going to think you're a dick. You might pick up a few sycophants who will snicker and cheer at any hint of blood in the playground and toss you a few likes on your post, but most people will just think you're a bully.
See, the big problem here is that you've forgotten the cardinal rule of the internet: Never Let Anyone Know How Much You Care. You may try to hide it in brashness and profanity, but we can all see right through you - you care about this game so much it hurts. That's kind of beautiful, man. You don't need to hide behind those dirty words. I'm here for you.
- The Nice Guy
"Thanks for playing, CharizardLover9000! A bit messy on both sides but a great game nonetheless! GG and good luck in the rest of the season!"
Fuck you, you're not fooling anybody.
- The Rebel
"LOL this game is dog dicks"
The Rebel may seem like a less long-winded version of the Firecracker, but there are some key differences. Notice the skilled use of the all caps LOL to lighten the mood, the carefully peppered profanity, and the almost flippant nature with which it is all delivered, as if to say, "Hey, shit happens, but it's all a game, right?" Sure, the Rebel might be a sociopath, but damn it, you just know that in four to eight years from now when he's finally allowed to purchase his first adult beverage, you'd love to be sitting at the bar beside him.
- The Memer
Instead of a GG you posted a GIF of a... is that a dancing badger? Or wait, no, I think it's a baby in a badger suit? It's hard to tell what you're getting at here. And the caption doesn't make any sense either. Shit, is it me? Have I grown out of touch? Damn it, I thought I had my phone send me daily updates from KnowYourMeme.com. Crap, a bunch of people are liking this post. It has to mean something. Hell, I'll just toss a like at it myself and move on my way.
Hope this helped! Go
PrinplupsSocialites!!