ladies, gentlemen, and those of us who know better [a sensible titter runs around the audience here], i have gathered you here to proclaim the virtues of a great, great man and beloved fellow Poster. i am referring, of course, to mr. broken phobias esq.. [APPLAUSE] bp is, quite frankly, perhaps the purest embodiment of the Posting ideal we have ever witnessed: a man who unleashes the very truths of his inner soul into the wild with every keystroke. he is a pioneer and foremost advocate of the highly-regarded Drunkposting school of thought, mastering the genre like no other. he is a master of his craft - can anyone gathered here today think of a personage more well-known for getting pished and logging on to smogon and/or discord? i certainly cannot, and i can tell you for a fact that any name you may care to bring to the table will not come anywhere near the austere heights that bp does.
so we have established mr. phobias's extensive pedigree as a Poster. but tc, i hear you cry, does that qualify him as your successor? is Posting prowess all that is necessary for the role of pm? and to that, i say: of course not, you fools! but thankfully, bp possesses leadership qualities in spades. one needs only look at his wall in order to see the high esteem in which the community holds him:
no, my beloved audience, your eyes - oh, bugger, this is meant to be a speech, isn't it? errrrrrr, in that case, pretend i said "ears" - do not deceive you. not only is bp admired for his physical appearance, there is a significantly less shallow element to the messages left by his adoring fans - their assumption that he simply must have already been afforded a position of authority within the community! yes, folks, bp simply commands such natural authority and respect that even his most devoted followers have been gaslit into thinking he used to hold a badge. how incredible is that? clearly, this is a man with innate leadership qualities; truly, he was born to rule, to lead us - the smogletariat - into a new, glorious age.
and who can forget his legendary salamence analysis? we knew he possesses a gift for wordsmithery based on his forum and side discord presence, but who amongst us suspected that bp actually knew what a pokemon was? this man has layers upon layers of complexity and hidden talent to him, and i for one would find it an honour to have him represent us on the forum-wide Posting stage.
also he could prob beat any single Poster here in a fight. so maybe factor that into your vote as well.
to conclude: who will join with me in supporting this Posting titan? this utter monolith of a man? this veritable pillar of the community? who will join me as i yell proudly to the heavens above:
give me a b!
b!
give me a p!
p!
give me a ohfuckwe'verunoutoflettersalreadyshitshitshituhhhhhhhhhhh give me a b and then a p again!
b! p!
bp for pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOTE SNAK30PRA FOR SMOGOFF PEOPLE'S MOD
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