Walrus III co-judge applications (Open until TBD next year, includes Walrus III concept reveal)

Who Wants To Be A Walrus III Co-Judge?

I'm going in a new direction for my third walrus: a Team vs Team battle with a mechanical focus on duality/dueling. What better way to further that direction than to have two judges working together to decide categories, rank and score submissions, and run reveals? (And to pull me back from my recurring spiral of shoving all my scores into the upper register of the scoring scale and to bring balance back to my walrus hosting skills. Those, too.)

But who should my fellow judge be? That's where this thread comes in.

Below are five Youtube links to songs that loosely fit the theme of "Nature". If you're interested in teaming up with me to host a brand new walrus experience, then your application is to rank and score these songs, writeups included. You can post your application here or you can PM it to me. This application is open until my current walrus ends.

Cloudbusting by Kate Bush

Global Warming by Gojira

Galaxy Song from Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

Mother Nature's Son by Jack White

The Beast of Pirate's Bay by Aurelio Voltaire
 

Da Letter El

Officially internet famous
is a Community Leader Alumnus
Cloudbusting - Instrumental is pounding, singing voice has an undeniable passion to it. I can't help but feel before the drum kicks in that the instrumental and vocal don't really click together. The song feels like it takes about 30 seconds too long to build to the part at 3:30 -- the song was getting a bit samey. The chanting is interesting and adds in some nice character to the song. The outro with the train whistle is a little weird but doesn't really impact my enjoyment of the song. 7.7

Global Warming - The guitar timbre feels a little mmmm...fake? It feels too electronic-y for my taste. Vocals sound like a generic harder rock vocalist with more grunting. The first transition 2 minutes in is fairly awkward. It doesn't really seem to fit into the tone the song laid out earlier, but I like this guitar sound more. I'm not the biggest fan of these vocals, especially as they become harsher. Ok so this transition is apparently not just a 1 off. Yeah this just sounds like two different songs mashed together, and neither song I particularly enjoy. I like the vocal part around 5 minutes in - it suits the riff much better than the verses do. The "we will see our children growing" sort of brings out all the best parts of that riff and makes me want to relisten to the song to see if I enjoy the riff better on a second listen. Outro is pretty nice and harkens back to the beginning. Yeah the guitar's a lot better on a second listen after you know what you're getting yourself into. Still can't say I particularly enjoy this song. 5.2

Galaxy Song - The guy's voice is bad and cheesy. Is this supposed to be funny? I imagine it is, because it's Monty Python. Syllables feel forced incredibly often. Then it transitions into a lullaby. Yeah this song is terrible. 2.4

Mother Nature's Son - Live take is a bold submit. His voice sounds like he's constantly in moderate amounts of pain. It's definitely an acoustic guitar, doesn't really do anything too inventive with it. Even if this weren't live, it would never crack 5. 3.1

The Beast of Pirate's Bay - Oh god it sounds like one of those terrible story songs. This is really cheesy "oh no, he ate all the pirates!!!!" Barely scratches my love of pirates, but this story is just about some beast that eats pirate's body parts and stuff and just isn't very interesting. Wait hol' up this song is 5 minutes long? This song does not need to be longer than 3. I like the little accordion about 3:30 in, but then in comes this Halloween bullshit "ooooOOOOoooo". Oh, apparently the song's about making up a stupid story to try to save a whale. That makes it slightly more redeemable in that it's supposed to be over the top and stupid. 3.6
 

termi

bike is short for bichael
is a Community Contributoris a Top Tiering Contributor
cloudbusting - the quintessential progressive pop track. the track starts off quite minimal, the repeating string motif being carried by bush's powerful vocals, and as the song goes on it builds up in intensity more and more. once those rolling drums get added and the backing vocals enter in the final minute or so it reaches a really satisfying climax. 8.4

global warming - the intro is too long and kinda grating, the combination of the sharp and somewhat unpleasant guitar tone plus the repetitiveness of the riff makes me want it to end. when the song transitions it's passable although entirely inoffensive metal. for a 7-minute "progressive" metal song it does awfully little, it just switches between the sharp, grating guitar riff sections and the slower metal sections and eventually fades out. nothing about the track particularly stands out to me; the vocals are fine but don't really do much for me, the drumming is not particularly impressive, i already mentioned how i feel about the guitar, and the song just doesn't do anything for me. i'm all for longer songs, but 7 minutes of meandering music that isn't exciting to begin with really is too much. 4.4

galaxy song - whateverrrrr. i actually watched this movie but i don't recall this song whatsoever and as it turns out, there's a reason why. it's really not particularly funny or clever and probably only works within the context of the movie. musically it's uninteresting, which isn't a shame considering it's monty python and they're more known for being funny than for being terribly good musicians, but when there the jokes aren't there either it's nothing more than musical filler. 3.7

mother nature's son - jack white sucks and this performance sucks. he genuinely sounds like a nervous candidate on a talent hunt show. the "doodoodoodoo" part is just painful to hear. poor obamas lol. i don't get the purpose of this? if you're gonna do a shitty acoustic song, at least make it your own song instead of someone else's. 2.5

the beast of pirate's bay - storytelling songs aren't my thing, nor is pirate LARPing. nonetheless, this song's not too bad despite being both of the aforementioned things. it's mostly just the strings and accordion that i like here though. accordion's an underutilized instrument, it produces a nice melancholic sound. the string section feels warm and full, together with the accordion it does convey an atmosphere really well. the song ultimately doesn't really do too much though because it's driven mostly by the vocals and those happen to do nothing for me, like i said, pirate tales aren't really my thing. 5.8

pick me i hate music
 
"Galaxy Song" Monty Python (2.3/10) couldn't you have found a song with better volume? the nature part of this is,,, i mean i GUESS space counts? idk man. the video is wack, the vocals is just a brit talking in a falsetto rhythm and the backing is a simple strumming. the instrumental portion in the middle where the computer simulation gets pregnant and explodes is the peak of the song, which puts it at a solid 3. if this song weren't from Monty Python you wouldn't have thought it was good, and even knowing it's from Monty Python i think this is bad. step up your game [INSERT USER HERE]

"Global Warming" Gojira (4.4/10) [gotta preface this by sayin screamin can work, but this specifically doesn't] the guitar was cool for the first ten seconds, then i realized that nothing was actually gonna happen with it, and the song is gonna be disappointing. guess that's what i should've expected with global warming, a slow warm up, certain parts of it having a bunch of emotion, and then repressing those emotions to talk. i think the album art on this song is the best part, which is to say the rest of it fuckin SUCKS.

"Mother Nature's Son" Jack White (5.4/10) again, audio quality is lacking. i guess this is probably the only one with this specific performance, which does seem more intimate/emotional? but yet he's still up on stage, ruining that feeling whenever i look at the video again. partial points. IS THIS THE GUY WHO SANG BUBBLE TOES?? WHY WOULDN'T YOU GIVE ME THE BUBBLY TOES???? oh yeah as far as the actual song goes, i hate the beatles, this guy looks like a mix between peter pettigrew and voldemort, immense kidnapping vibes comin off this. the guitar work is surprisingly good, but then this is a white house concert so they know what's what. i can hear maybe every third word, the title of the song, and "meet you in the pouring rain" which is not helping the kidnapping vibes. on the bright side he knows how to keep it short, with less than 3 minutes of the actual song, so he doesn't lose points for dragging on like the first two did.

"The Beast Of Pirate's Bay" Aurelio Voltaire (7.8/10) a sea shanty? about a massive monster that wants to vore me? sign me the FUCK up. fiddling mixes well with the accordion, even if it's all repeat over and over. the beauty in a sea shanty isn't the backing, (altho this one has good instrumentals for a shanty) it's in the story you tell. my one regret is not listening to this while drunk on rum. the slow part towards the end will either make the song or be the straw that broke the camel's back, but to me it was just a part for me to zone out and wonder what life would be like on the open seas. solid switchup from these other songs with "cute" or "angsty" vocals and near non existent backing.

"Cloudbusting" Kate Nash (8.3/10) well this sure was five minutes of my life that i'm not getting back. maybe i can listen to this again when my mood, my dog, the weather, and the moon all feel better. because this song is the "just think happy thoughts" to this depressing ass day. -- second listen through and i'm getting less of a "think happy thoughts" and more a "i guess ur sad but at least u aren't a starving kid in africa" like thanks susan ur right i'm not but there are also starving kids in literally everywhere not just africa, and this isn't exactly the sad olympics where because my life is not in immediate danger from an outside presence or some sort of system where our self worth is tied to our physical wealth i am required to be happy 100% of the time??? fuck ok i'm still depressed i'll regrade this later. -- third listen her voice is actually pretty good, even if the strings section needs to realize that playing louder than everything else doesn't make it any more substantial. this actually gives me the strongest vibes of nature of all of them, even without being able to hear a potsdam thing she sings. points for those vibes, which are strong af.
 
also i'm not gonna be able to actually be a co-judge in all likelihood, since i am T-28 days until i leave this site forever, but damn i couldn't pass up the chance to grade songs one last time.
 

HeaLnDeaL

Let's Keep Fighting
is an Artistis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a CAP Contributor Alumnus
We need a Gojira fan in here, smh. All the above rankers have bad taste, don't pick them Knights.

I dedicate this section of the lyrics to the above rankers' poor, hateable taste:

"And I feel all alone
Because everybody's wrong
I feel the living
What is this thing that we call hate
And that's inside of me
Get out of here!"

:)
 
I have some additional questions for current and future applicants (pinging Da Letter El shubaka17 Robert Alfons LightWolf for visibility):

1) What are your top 3 favorite genres/subgenres?
2) What is your least favorite genre/subgenre?
3) You receive a song which is an obvious pander. Does this affect how you score it and if so, how?
4) How long is too long to wait for a partial submitter to fill out the rest of their subs?
5) What would you do if I suddenly went AWOL from the internet?
 

Da Letter El

Officially internet famous
is a Community Leader Alumnus
1. Probably something like Hip Hop (most subgenres), Electronic (primarily either chill or IDM-ish stuff), and Shoegaze

2. Country

3. I cap it at 8 unless I explicitly banned it.

4. Don't plan around a partial submitter. Give a date, nag a few days in advance, and if they haven't submitted by the time the reveal goes up, then that's on them.

5. Host it solo.
 

termi

bike is short for bichael
is a Community Contributoris a Top Tiering Contributor
1. contemporary folk (particularly really sad stuff and more experimental stuff), post-punk, and "noise rock" which you can roughly divide between hardcore punk-influenced shit like Unwound, The Jesus Lizard etc and jammy (usually japanese) psych shit like Les Rallizes Dénudés and Fushitsusha, I like either, I like my rock loud and dissonant although it doesn't have to be that way.

2. i'm not that opposed to country for the most but so-called bro-country (the shitty EDM-influenced country pop you'd hear on the radio in the deep south) is truly abysmal

3. I'll try to ban any obvious panders, furthermore I like rewarding subs I haven't heard before hard so in theory a pandercap wouldn't be necessary, although if I do feel someone's just regurgitating shit I already know and love regardless I'll probably put the pandercap at 8 or something.

4. same as DLE, i would encourage anyone to sub everything at once and make changes if necessary later on, if you haven't subbed by the time reveal goes up that's your loss

5. cry :'(
 

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