Lifestyle Things that you might be struggling with

[bdt2002]

Hey, guys. I have a question for you. What do my history with driving, my relationship status, and my goals for the future all have in common?

...

Yeah, they don't share anything. Or do they? These are all areas of my life that, for one reason or another, I have been very slow to make progress in for a person of my age. So why exactly am I asking this question? Simple- just because progress is slow doesn't mean progress isn't being made at all. In March of 2021, I was finally able to get my driver's license after 18 and a half years, a feat that at the time, I did not appreciate as much as I could have because I was having a bad day up through that point. I'm still a very inexperienced driver though, thanks to my inability to drive at school hence a lack of consistent practice. I am also getting nowhere with looking for a relationship, and like most people my age, I still have no0 clue what I want to do with my life.

But none of that matters. I mention all of this because I'm creating this thread as a source of motivation for us. First there was me living neurodiverse, then there was my unique peripheral vision situation with driving, and then there was my eye surgery I got for it (I'm far from the biggest fan of needles and sharp things, let me tell you), and even after all of that, I still had to study to get my permit, then I had to practice driving with my parents, and just when I thought I could shoot for my actual license, the pandemic showed up and put my progress to a screeching halt. Despite all of that, it's October of 2022 now and I've had my license for over a year and a half now, and I even have my own car.

The moral of this story is, I'm willing to bet you guys have areas in your lives you're uncertain of too. But we are a community here, and our job as a community is to help one another through whatever means we can. That's why I made this thread: so we can discuss what these sensitive topics might be, and to help each other get through them- together.

 

[KaylaPops]

The ending of a serious relationship with my ex fiancé and my mental health in general.

 

[bdt2002]

The ending of a serious relationship with my ex fiancé and my mental health in general.

I can imagine that going through that break-up probably wasn’t doing your mental health any favors. I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone good for you in the foreseeable future. In the meantime, if you ever need anyone to talk to, that’s what this thread is for.

 

[DR4G0Nx]

Mental health can be a pain sometimes. People need to take that more seriously

 

[KaylaPops]

I can imagine that going through that break-up probably wasn’t doing your mental health any favors. I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone good for you in the foreseeable future. In the meantime, if you ever need anyone to talk to, that’s what this thread is for.

Being in the relationship wasn't doing my mental health any favors either. Thanks for saying that :).

 

[KaylaPops]

Mental health can be a pain sometimes. People need to take that more seriously

That is so true. I am currently working on my mental health right now.

 

[Heavyweapons Mann]

This might not fit, but I apparently have an inflamed colon and there’s a diet I can try, but I got back from a GI doctor and he suggested that I get a colonoscopy at some point so they can diagnose it, and I feel… not great about it, to say the least. Just feelings of “Why me?” or “I’m so unlucky.” despite being told that it isn’t life-threatening. So basically, it sort of did a bit of a number on my mental health.

 

[DR4G0Nx]

The ending of a serious relationship with my ex fiancé and my mental health in general.

Hope you find clarity with this my friend. I wish I can give you good advice but I never been in a serious relationship before.

All I know is, it’s better to have no company than bad company. And that.. hopefully the right person will come along over time, maybe even a better person in the long term.

At this point, all you can really do is have a support system like your friends, here (idk about here lmao), have fun in life, travel, take pictures, and do things whatever you can to remain a strong person.

But it’s good to know we are not the only ones who are also suffering from Mental Health

 

[Fancy1]

I have a book idea, and some game ideas and I often find myself doodling the characters on any nearby paper, but I just can’t get facial expressions right and I get frustrated with myself

 

[earl]

This might not fit, but I apparently have an inflamed colon and there’s a diet I can try, but I got back from a GI doctor and he suggested that I get a colonoscopy at some point so they can diagnose it, and I feel… not great about it, to say the least. Just feelings of “Why me?” or “I’m so unlucky.” despite being told that it isn’t life-threatening. So basically, it sort of did a bit of a number on my mental health.

if it makes you feel better i had to deal with a roughly equivalent thing over the summer (no elaboration) and just know that sometimes bad stuff happens for no reason. Hopefully it can be sorted out post op

 

[KaylaPops]

Hope you find clarity with this my friend. I wish I can give you good advice but I never been in a serious relationship before.

All I know is, it’s better to have no company than bad company. And that.. hopefully the right person will come along over time, maybe even a better person in the long term.

At this point, all you can really do is have a support system like your friends, here (idk about here lmao), have fun in life, travel, take pictures, and do things whatever you can to remain a strong person.

But it’s good to know we are not the only ones who are also suffering from Mental Health

Thanks I appreciate it :)

 

[DR4G0Nx]

Good luck my friend, life a mess but all u can really do at this point from a realistic standpoint is just hang in there and just live life as it is. You can’t change what you can’t control

 

[KaylaPops]

Good luck my friend, life a mess but all u can really do at this point from a realistic standpoint is just hang in there and just live life as it is. You can’t change what you can’t control

Thanks for saying those things :). That is so true about not being able to change what you can't control.

 

[antemortem]

I have a book idea, and some game ideas and I often find myself doodling the characters on any nearby paper, but I just can’t get facial expressions right and I get frustrated with myself

My mother is a ridiculous sketch artist, like can draw animals and faces like nobody’s mfin business

But I did not inherit that natural skill lmao so I have to try hard and often to be 10% as good, it just takes time to really hone any sort of craft, but especially artistic craft, so just remember you sometimes don‘t grow decent at something before you’ve done it so many times your hand might snap

 

[WaterBomb]

I guess this is as good a place as any to air this out.

So right now I'm struggling with what the next step should be for me professionally. I was laid off in January and have been working as a contractor since then, in the hopes of securing another permanent role within the same company. I have not had luck with this so far, and my contract is up at the end of December. I could be extended an additional 6 months if I wanted, but I really am not happy in my current position so I'm hoping to avoid that if possible. I do have a strong lead for another job, but it's outside the company (and in a different industry) so I'm a little nervous about making the jump.

Not only am I struggling with this decision, but also the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment that have come up from my repeated bad luck with being laid off. I've been laid off from four different jobs in the last 12 years, and every time it gets harder to bounce back. I have a wife and two young children, and both my wife and I need to work to support the family where we live, so I feel a lot of pressure to maintain a certain standard of employment. I'm also getting closer to 40, so the prospect of not having enough money in my 401k to support us when we retire is becoming more real by the year. On the plus side, my wife has maintained steady growth and success in her career so it's not like we're in danger of homelessness. I just have to grapple with my own expectations and standards that I want to model for my children.

To that point, another struggle I'm dealing with is how to be a good and effective parent. I love the hell out of my kids and I want to be a good example for them, but I find myself growing impatient and frustrated with them sometimes when I need to be more realistic and compassionate. It's a great challenge, and I've always struggled with patience, so it's very painful to love someone so much and yet continually make mistakes in how you present that love.

I know this is probably trivial to most of you, and it's much more a "first world problem" than many deal with, but it's still something I have been struggling with for some time and it's always good to get it out of your head and into the air, so it doesn't eat you alive.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Wildfiree]

I’m struggling with confidence in my abilities. I always feel like I’m not capable at times and it causes me to fall into this depressive state.

 

[bdt2002]

I guess this is as good a place as any to air this out.

So right now I'm struggling with what the next step should be for me professionally. I was laid off in January and have been working as a contractor since then, in the hopes of securing another permanent role within the same company. I have not had luck with this so far, and my contract is up at the end of December. I could be extended an additional 6 months if I wanted, but I really am not happy in my current position so I'm hoping to avoid that if possible. I do have a strong lead for another job, but it's outside the company (and in a different industry) so I'm a little nervous about making the jump.

Not only am I struggling with this decision, but also the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment that have come up from my repeated bad luck with being laid off. I've been laid off from four different jobs in the last 12 years, and every time it gets harder to bounce back. I have a wife and two young children, and both my wife and I need to work to support the family where we live, so I feel a lot of pressure to maintain a certain standard of employment. I'm also getting closer to 40, so the prospect of not having enough money in my 401k to support us when we retire is becoming more real by the year. On the plus side, my wife has maintained steady growth and success in her career so it's not like we're in danger of homelessness. I just have to grapple with my own expectations and standards that I want to model for my children.

To that point, another struggle I'm dealing with is how to be a good and effective parent. I love the hell out of my kids and I want to be a good example for them, but I find myself growing impatient and frustrated with them sometimes when I need to be more realistic and compassionate. It's a great challenge, and I've always struggled with patience, so it's very painful to love someone so much and yet continually make mistakes in how you present that love.

I know this is probably trivial to most of you, and it's much more a "first world problem" than many deal with, but it's still something I have been struggling with for some time and it's always good to get it out of your head and into the air, so it doesn't eat you alive.

Thanks for listening.

The thing about first-world problems, whether or not that is a true statement, is that we as human beings have the capability of showing empathy even if we don't entirely understand what the other person or people might be going through. The best advice I can offer with my limited life experience at this point would be to try and look at you current situations with your family and with work and see what has and hasn't worked. Try looking for patterns encouraged by positive developments, and don't be afraid to talk to your family about things that you feel they might need to know about. Quite frankly, I don't care if you're getting close to 40, because what that tells me is that you've had over 30 years of at least general success. And if you made it to where you are in your life now, what's stopping you from going even further? The only limit of your potential is your perspective. You've still got this.

I’m struggling with confidence in my abilities. I always feel like I’m not capable at times and it causes me to fall into this depressive state.

Are there any specific abilities or behavior traits that come to mind? Being able to pinpoint the specifics is the first step to recovering out of such a state. If need be, don't be afraid to reach out to anyone near you that might have experience with mental health and/or psychological therapy.

 

[Wildfiree]

The thing about first-world problems, whether or not that is a true statement, is that we as human beings have the capability of showing empathy even if we don't entirely understand what the other person or people might be going through. The best advice I can offer with my limited life experience at this point would be to try and look at you current situations with your family and with work and see what has and hasn't worked. Try looking for patterns encouraged by positive developments, and don't be afraid to talk to your family about things that you feel they might need to know about. Quite frankly, I don't care if you're getting close to 40, because what that tells me is that you've had over 30 years of at least general success. And if you made it to where you are in your life now, what's stopping you from going even further? The only limit of your potential is your perspective. You've still got this.


Are there any specific abilities or behavior traits that come to mind? Being able to pinpoint the specifics is the first step to recovering out of such a state. If need be, don't be afraid to reach out to anyone near you that might have experience with mental health and/or psychological therapy.

Thank you

 

[Misfit Reindeer]

I’m struggling with confidence in my abilities. I always feel like I’m not capable at times and it causes me to fall into this depressive state.

Everyone is incapable at times. They don't just feel incapable, they are incapable - they fail.

But without failure we never learn. We need to make mistakes, over and over, to learn what not to do. By learning what not to do, we can make better decisions on what we SHOULD do.

Being incapable is a normal state of being. Even the things that you are capable at now, you were once incapable. It's the point we all start on.

 

[Wildfiree]

Everyone is incapable at times. They don't just feel incapable, they are incapable - they fail.

But without failure we never learn. We need to make mistakes, over and over, to learn what not to do. By learning what not to do, we can make better decisions on what we SHOULD do.

Being incapable is a normal state of being. Even the things that you are capable at now, you were once incapable. It's the point we all start on.

That’s true thank you very much

 

[bdt2002]

Hey. Might as well take advantage of my own content for personal gain, right?

…wait, this isn’t YouTube content creation. This is the Smogon Forums. Terrible attempts at humor aside, there’s something I wanted to mention going on in my life right now. Or in this case, not going on. So about a week ago I finished my most recent semester of college, right? All is good in the world, I’m about to have a much needed break away from the busy school life… and that’s when I came to a terrifying realization. I’ll refrain from going into any school-specific details in this post for reasons I… hope are obvious… but what I realized is that I only have a year and a half left to try and search for someone, literally anyone on campus, if I wanted to try and pursue a relationship for the first time.

I’m at this weird point in my life where, on one hand, I don’t really need to be in a relationship for any reason. But on the other hand, the fact that I’m as old as I am now and have never even been in one is just sitting and nagging at my emotions these days. My roommates are in successful relationships, all power to them, and when we all try and hang out together, it’s still fun but I feel… I guess “left out”?

There are multiple reasons I’ve never been too interested in talking to other people like this, if having more background information would help you guys out. I’ve never been a fan of my generation’s constant reliance on social media (for the purpose of this post, I don’t count Smogon as social media) and texting, and I also lack confidence that a neurodiverse individual like myself would be a good natural fit for someone else looking for a new friend to talk to, even if only a few times a week. That’s on top of me needing to study as well as become a better person in general. I just feel like I’m starting to run out of time, and I don’t exactly know how to- or what to say- to ask for help about this.

 

[awyp]

Hey. Might as well take advantage of my own content for personal gain, right?

…wait, this isn’t YouTube content creation. This is the Smogon Forums. Terrible attempts at humor aside, there’s something I wanted to mention going on in my life right now. Or in this case, not going on. So about a week ago I finished my most recent semester of college, right? All is good in the world, I’m about to have a much needed break away from the busy school life… and that’s when I came to a terrifying realization. I’ll refrain from going into any school-specific details in this post for reasons I… hope are obvious… but what I realized is that I only have a year and a half left to try and search for someone, literally anyone on campus, if I wanted to try and pursue a relationship for the first time.

I’m at this weird point in my life where, on one hand, I don’t really need to be in a relationship for any reason. But on the other hand, the fact that I’m as old as I am now and have never even been in one is just sitting and nagging at my emotions these days. My roommates are in successful relationships, all power to them, and when we all try and hang out together, it’s still fun but I feel… I guess “left out”?

There are multiple reasons I’ve never been too interested in talking to other people like this, if having more background information would help you guys out. I’ve never been a fan of my generation’s constant reliance on social media (for the purpose of this post, I don’t count Smogon as social media) and texting, and I also lack confidence that a neurodiverse individual like myself would be a good natural fit for someone else looking for a new friend to talk to, even if only a few times a week. That’s on top of me needing to study as well as become a better person in general. I just feel like I’m starting to run out of time, and I don’t exactly know how to- or what to say- to ask for help about this.

Hello bdt2002,

I saw this post earlier in the day but I was too busy with work, so sorry for the late reply.

I will say everyone is different on how they seek a relationship and not 2 individuals are the same, so I will give that disclaimer. When I was in college I was in the exact same scenario, been in a couple of really weak relationships for short periods (I wouldn't define it as intimate), just getting to know someone and seeing if a longer relationship could work.

It wasn't probably until my junior year in college where I was actively trying to put myself out there, making friends in class, going to parties, going to group study sessions, texting school friends outside of school related work. If you're not much of a social media person (totally get that), I would try to find another avenue in meeting someone. I would say I've had success with both dating apps and just meeting people at school through some of the activities that I listed above. I eventually had a 4 month relationship my senior year where it didn't end too pleasantly but I developed a lot as a person and helped mold me into who I am today.

Don't think you're running out of time, these things happen. Overall advice is just do your due diligence and put yourself out there, if you're not outgoing it could be a drag. That helped me develop friendships which allowed me to have exposure to school events and recreational events I wouldn't be part of if I hadn't developed those friendships. I would say it isn't a big deal if you don't get in a relationship in college, don't force it but in my experience it helped me develop myself on how I can be better in my future relationships.

 

[MurderousMantyke]

I’m struggling with confidence in my abilities. I always feel like I’m not capable at times and it causes me to fall into this depressive state.

Been a while, but if ANYONE on PS! can attest to your abilities, it's me. You manage to be helpful, considerate, and knowledgeable in every room you're in. You're honestly a role model to me and so many others, never forget that!

 

[Wildfiree]

Been a while, but if ANYONE on PS! can attest to your abilities, it's me. You manage to be helpful, considerate, and knowledgeable in every room you're in. You're honestly a role model to me and so many others, never forget that!

Thanks man that means a lot

 

[ACNT]

Being proud of myself, for sure

Maybe it's a matter of genetics at this point but I simply feel that my reward system is broken. If I fail, it's disappointing. If I succeed but not as much than at least one people in my field, it's disappointing. If I'm the best at something, gets the top grade, whatever, it's the bare minimum. Do you see the spoiled kids in sport events that won't accept the silver medal around their neck ? Well, I was this guy, and most of the time in those cases I did not even go to the prize ceremony. It was not intended as a lack of fair-play, I knew that the winner deserved it but people greeting me for being second felt like a burn to my skin. It sounds extremely cocky but it's the way it is. Anyways now I'm not good anymore to be second in anything, let alone first, so there is justice.

Now I tend to do the less I can : the outcome of my hard-working has often been painful, I was good, but often not good enough to be the best. Thus, I've become a pretty inconsistent jack of all trades, prone to the "one-hit-wonder syndrom" : I will do something "flashy" from time to time, then never do it again. It causes me quite a bunch of unstability problems, such as changing studies field / work regularly without "real" reasons, being prone to addictions, unable to commit to a long-term relationship or being quite a social person but disappearing regularly. For various reasons, but my self-esteem is probably the main thing most of the time. My burning ambition still serves me as the backbone keeping me alive (life has no meaning if you despise yourself) but I know that I simply lack the consistency and the skills to back it up.

On a lighter note, I also cannot figure how to open doors. I swear that I always try the wrong side first every time !