Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

[bdt2002]

Hey, I can totally relate to the difficulty of saying "No," especially when you've given someone your word and then you go back on it, because now it can seem like your integrity is compromised or that your word doesn't have much of a value.

So there's two things here that are in play:
A) how to not let this specific friend down; and
B) how to deal with this same situation (saying "No") in the future.

For now, just focus on A). I see that (1) you don't wish to get the new game, and (2) you'll feel that your friend would experience some loneliness because outside of you, he/she has no one else to play with. Ask yourself if there is a valid reason for you not wanting to get the game (e.g. is it no interest in pokemon, don't have the financial means to purchase it), and if it is valid, then you are not obligated to go through getting the new game. As far as overcoming your friend's loneliness is concerned, you're not limited to playing Pokemon (there are other games) or you can find other activities (like a video call, group watching a show) to help combat his/her loneliness.

For point B), I would suggest talking to a therapist because difficulty in saying "No" could be a multi-layered issue, like not wanting to disappoint others means that you want them to still like you despite delivering bad news; wanting to still be liked means that you wish to be a people-pleaser, and that is unrealistic as you can't please everyone. A therapist/mental health professional would be the most well-equipped person to help you with this.

Good luck and hope it all works out!

This may help. Think about the situation from your friend's point of view. If you were that friend, would you want a friend to spend sixty bucks and a lot of time on an experience they don't actually want? I wouldn't want that, if I were your friend, and I don't think you would either.

I know this sort of process can be difficult for some not all nd people, myself included. Maybe you'll rationally agree with me but still feel that itch internally, and if so, I get it. I've been there. What can help me is finding something I really get or care about and tying the situation back to that. If you really care about being fair, for example, feeling pressured to buy A Certain Game is unfair–its good friends look out for each other, but it's not likely their responsibility to spend sixty bucks on something they don't like. As DBC said, maybe there are other activities you two can do together! Whatever works for you.

From my friend’s perspective, they’ve always wanted to be able to play Pokémon games (yes, this is Scarlet & Violet, just to cure your guys’ curiosity) with other people, as well as other games, because of some anxiety and depression stuff that turned my friend very antisocial. The problem here is that I have my reasons for not wanting to play, but my friend also has their reasons, and I’m tired of letting feelings of guilt make the decisions for me. Granted they’re usually never anything major, but still.

I would go into further detail on each of our reasons, but I don’t want any responses to turn biased, nor do I want to talk behind my friend’s back if possible.

 

[Adeleine]

Your friend wants to play Pokemon games with other people... if the other people want to play the games too. I assume so, anyways. I've had my antisocial moments, and I still didn't want to drag people through games they didn't want and didn't want to play. I don't think your friend wants that either. If your friend knew you sincerely didn't want anything to do with playing the games, I hope their perspective would change, and that they wouldn't want to drag you through it. You're right in wanting to stop feelings of guilt make decisions for you.

In other words, they may want to "play Pokemon with people" in a vacuum, but if they fully understood this specific situation where you dont want to play, they probably would not want to play with you either.

 

[bdt2002]

Your friend wants to play Pokemon games with other people... if the other people want to play the games too. I assume so, anyways. I've had my antisocial moments, and I still didn't want to drag people through games they didn't want and didn't want to play. I don't think your friend wants that either. If your friend knew you sincerely didn't want anything to do with playing the games, I hope their perspective would change, and that they wouldn't want to drag you through it. You're right in wanting to stop feelings of guilt make decisions for you.

In other words, they may want to "play Pokemon with people" in a vacuum, but if they fully understood this specific situation where you dont want to play, they probably would not want to play with you either.

In both me and my friend’s defense, there is one last detail I’ll throw in here. “Playing with” might not have been the best description. Multiplayer is great (I’m a busy college kid though, so good luck there), but my friend is nice enough to understand this, and “playing alongside” is still a step in the right direction.

Either way, thanks for both of your help :)

 

[bdt2002]

I guess my question for this thread is just, how do you cope with these feelings? Of anxitey, depression, dissatisfaction, feeling out of place, and the like? I'm just unsure if there's anything I can actually do that isn't just the results of "mental health coping methods" from a Google search that i've already tried 17 times.

This feels like one of those situations where the client (in this case, you) most likely doesn't want someone to restate things he or she already knows. Speaking from experience, I find that a combination of three specific factors helps my mental health considerably. Those include:

• Identifying aversive (negative) triggers, and if necessary, removing yourself from access to them
• Finding people, places, and/or things that are very close/special to you that give you a reason to keep at it
• Examining how seemingly unrelated things might impact your emotional stability (Examples: getting enough sleep, trying to stay healthy, etc.)

Sometimes, all it takes is to find what works for you. Unfortunately, any number of Google searches will never amount to what you can learn from some relaxing soul searching. :)

 

[bdt2002]

I really don’t want to have to resort to double posting, but as it stands, I need to get this out somewhere. Anxiety attacks suck. I’m sure we can all agree on this much. But when I start having these in rapid succession every time I find myself faced with something challenging, that’s when I start to ask myself if the problem is actually me.

About five minutes ago I gave up on taking a quiz in class. I wrote my professor a note at the top of it and proceeded to walk out of the classroom with no intention to go back and “apologize”. I do not regret this decision in the slightest. This is far from the first time I would have failed a quiz in this particular class, and while I’ll admit that I barely ever actually sit down and study… the fact of the matter is, history shows my test grades have remained consistent no matter how much studying I do.

I don’t really know what I want to say next, so I’m sorry for wasting your time. Sometimes people just need to rant, I guess.

 

[Aqua Jet]

when I start having these in rapid succession every time I find myself faced with something challenging, that’s when I start to ask myself if the problem is actually me.

When something is challenging for me, especially when that something is related to School, my anxiety acts up to so you're not alone in this.

About five minutes ago I gave up on taking a quiz in class. I wrote my professor a note at the top of it and proceeded to walk out of the classroom with no intention to go back and “apologize”. I do not regret this decision in the slightest.

I've done this (once) before too. My teacher was super understanding and even let me retake the quiz once I was in a better head-space, though this was high school so I knew them on a more personal level then [I assume] you know your professor. I think that if you talk to your professor and explain the situation, maybe they'll let you retake a differnet quiz, or if you think that quizzes generally are a trigger for you, maybe ask them if there is an assignment that you could do rather then the quiz to bump up your mark, or even replace the mark from the quiz. If they say no then unfortunatly you're going to probably have to take the L this time, but maybe before the next one you can approach your professor and say something like "Hey Prof. {Name}, last time we had a quiz, I had an anxiety attack and I believe those types of situations to be one of my triggers. Would it be possible that I, rather then write a quiz, do an assignment instead? I feel that this would help prevent me from having an anxiety attack while still being able to show you my knowledge." If you're comfortable with it, you could even suggest that it be an in-class assignment which is something that you would have to study for, but obviously don't suggest it if you don't think that you'll be able to do it without having another anxiety attack. I want to emphasize that it is important to study for school, no matter how much you don't want to, because this way it will be less challenging come quiz/test/exam time and your chance of having an anxiety attack will be lowered.
~
Sorry for the wall of text. I'll probably make this more readable tomorrow morning. I hope this helped, and if you ever want to talk about school stuff / vent or whatever and you don't feel like doing it in public my Smogon PMs are always open and I'm on for most of the day -4. If for some reason I'm not on, my discord is Dewrio#8851 and you can DM me there.

 

[Fancy1]

a quick vent, I play smashbros ultimate competitively. Me and my friends joined a small little esports team and I hadn’t lost a set all season. (Be prepared for some non coherent English)

Championships was yesterday, although I always get anxious on match days I felt pretty good I had Been practicing my snake quite a bit and my backup joker was also a good option. My team although I love them do have tendencies to yell advice at you while your playing, to try to prevent this i put on one of my Spotify playlists, except this time I didn’t have my earbuds….. so I felt like I couldn’t turn it up to loud to annoy them (fuck you social anxiety) first match was a loss, by a ness spamming pkfire no less. Time to switch to joker, my heart usually races during my matches but yesterday it was at the fucking Indy 500 all I needed was to win the set and my team as a whole would automatically win (so that didn’t help my anxiety at all), time to comeback. Oh and comeback I did, horribly for the first two stocks, it seems when I get horribly nervous I seem to forget some of my basic skills as a player such as not getting backthrowed at 130% percent but I digress. All that anxiety had to be let out somehow and unfortunately it was the table In front of me who received a smack, I still felt like shit I mean how embarrassing is it to be the only one on your team who loses in the championships, and like this isn’t the first time I’ve lost a few games but in the championships…. My head was throbbing and I was about ready to start sobbing (straight bars) so I took a water and a quick walk to cool off, while I was away my goated friend pulled out a 3stock so it wasn’t all bad, anyways thanks for listening, except you anxiety, fuck you. But life isn’t all bad for example I forgot I still have a hot pocket in my fridge so that’s getting devoured later, thanks for listening ya’ll are the best.

 

[Local Dog]

I've recently had very similar, or rather, nightmares. It's very late in the night, 2, 3, maybe 4am, and I am travelling. Car, bus, train through my city. And everytime, I have the same destination and the same goal: my bed and to sleep soundly. But I never reach my bed. I just travel and travel and worry about how I'll never get rest

I think there are two reasons for these dreams
1) I have insomnia (always had it since as long as I can think), my doc assumes it's due to hormonal issues but it's not officially diagnosed. It's been acting up again recently and makes my life quite difficult. I just feel so tired and never get a full night of quality sleep

2) I am always on something. Be it uni, friends, hobbies, anything. And I don't think that's the problem, the problem is that I always have to think about what's next. Oh I am going to the gym, better hurry so I can go home and do uni stuff. Oh I am doing uni stuff, better finish up quick so I can be punctual with my friends. It's just, I always feel like I am on the grind and never manage to just kick back, even when I am in situations where I should be able to

 

[ACNT]

I need to talk tonight.

Almost a year ago today, I decided to take control of my life. I started reading and looked for a job abroad. I put in the effort and got the job, all in a rather nauseating family context. In short, I did my part.

I left at the end of August. It's almost December and I'm already mentally exhausted. The problem is that I can't stand my job and the atmosphere here is weighing on me. I lost about 6 kilos between two months, and without going into details I was already extremely thin. I'm at an anorexic weight now (BMI: 15) and the consequences are obvious. To make matters worse, my anxiety is accompanied by eating disorders, so I'm struggling to regain weight.

When I mentioned to one of my parents that I might want to go back, they simply told me that they no longer understood my decisions, and that they no longer approved of them. My parents have always supported me, to be honest. I've been on the depressed side as well as on the side of those who put up with other people's depression, I know how exhausting it is. But it's hit me so hard that I can't even think about going back now.

I can't find stability for more than three or four months because my head is rotten. No matter what I try. No matter how much I change studies, no matter how many countries I go to, it seems like I'm trying to run away from my shadow. I can let myself sink at times, but I always try to do something to get back up. Now I wonder if it's really worth it. I'm lucky that I'm a pretty well-connected person in general, and my friends do what they can to support me, but it's too much work, even for such dedicated and intelligent people. If I had been a bit more solitary, I would probably be dead by now.

My management has seen that I am sinking and suggests that I resign. They can't fire me unless there is serious misconduct. But I can't do my job properly any more: I have to manage people, but how can you do that when you're thinking of throwing yourself under the local metro train every five minutes? And even if I resign to go back to my country, nothing awaits me there but shame and sadness.

I've lived most of my life being miserable. Yet even if my family is not perfect, they have tried to do their best. I have not been beaten, I have been financially secure. I have been able to surround myself well with friends. I know I can attract girls, and I probably have a girl who likes me at the moment. I was a good student even though I didn't like school, and I had hobbies where I could stand out. In short, I wasn't that unlucky. And yet, it doesn't work.

I had the unshakeable faith that it would eventually change. That I had been too lucky at the start to fall too far. But I think I've lost that faith now, and I'm starting to feel the raw desperation. The more I try, the more it fails, the harder the next attempt is. Shame is a burn whose pain pierces me to the bone. And as much as I'd like to get all the venom out, there are things I'd rather not say because I know the people on this topic are depressed, so some of that poison will stay with me.

I have no idea what will happen to me. All my options are bad. Going home is shame and lack of perspective, staying is a huge risk. And even without talking about the mental side, going back has a lot of purely practical problems that seem like a mountain to me.
I don't even see what I'm going to do at this point. Anything can happen.

One last thing:
An hour ago I went to the supermarket to get some cigarettes in the freezing Caucasian night. After some Russian music, they played this music while I was at the checkout:

Music about depression, in French. God wanted me to cry. Instead I gritted my teeth and walked away, before writting this message.
Depression is the cancer of the mind.

 

[DuGuo]

Hi there, although it seems strange for us to talking here, but My English writing exams screwed up I believe we could get a better understanding through reading&thinking a language with some distance in our first sight.
There’s Sth that we can’t deny that the subjects does not make a big influence on what we’ll gonna do (if we are not interested in basic knowledge exploring).The scores doesn’t define everything.No matter how perfectly others do it,just find your progresses each time and focus on avoiding the mistakes next time.What matters is the things we really love and good at,for instance, I really appreciate your poems which is thought provoking. Every being has its value to exist.Give the world a chance be fore u give up to represent the best view of this world and self. envies ：卡塔纳： recovery and ability to sweep,while ：卡塔纳： always wanna survive special attacks which can tank.
It is true that every success comes with sacrifices.Without the damage calculator defense investment,：沃尔卡罗纳： cannot dance safely among some attackers while lost some instant damage.We see others doin well and actin well,but they might be working much harder behind schools.Even not,it’s also a nice thing to study from them,take their advantages to improve self.Their success doesn’t come from nothing.A much effective learning method or a useful notebook may be the key to your improvement.When observing others, try analyze the inner effects but not conclude in “He is just born better than me”.Focus on the facts rather than the event itself may make you better.

Making friends takes much time,but if u wanna someone to talk with,we guys,and PS China are always there.
People has their own comfort zones,especially entering a new period of schooling life.My senior1 remained at the same school,but classmates totally changed to another bunch of students coming from another same school.Yep,I’m the isolated person in my OWN school.But once I put effort in knowing others deeply,some of them know my characteristics and allows me to join their social zone.It takes time,but it’s worth it.
Others take pleasure from someone else’s pain,it’s common that it happens everywhere.Just avoid meeting those people,or using clear disagreements to express your uncomfort.If crucial,use the law(school rules) to guar your rights properly.
However,it is worth notice that a true friend is so valuable that it might sustain for a lifelong.U just need time to meet the one desired,just as and

​

Empty your mind thouroughly,but not immerse in anything would help.Non-senior high semesters still have a dozen of activities for u to join.Make your best effort in it,and try to make yourself shine.I believe it can make your social environment better.
P.S.There’s a strange belief in me:Moods are just hormones tricking around our heads.We can all control it if we wanna to,and paid our effort.
Not a good lecturer,but I sincerely hope this could help.

The late appreciation.
Surprised but not accidental that you will see my article here and reply. Maybe I'm writing here to make people see, or maybe not, just don't know what I'm longing for.
Now I will briefly describe what happened in the past two weeks when I disappeared: I went to school and took the mid-term exam, which almost gave me great pressure to study and mind. I took part in the competition class during the school holiday, so I hardly got any relaxation. The pressure of the epidemic outside the school is increasing, so I was sent home. That is all.
Almost decided not to play more pokemon in three years, and the biggest reason why I still stay here is that I want to find someone to chat with, to accompany and understand, and to seek truth in the virtual world.
I don't deny that I am eager for a real friend all the time, but it is difficult for me to open my heart to others completely now. Since my best friend committed suicide, I don't deny that I may also have this tendency.
I wrote some words in the school, which is some random talks about myself and the world i saw, If I have time, I will translate and post here.
Also imagine my future, just say i cant see anything.
all thanks, and if u are interest just add my qq.

 

[GaryTheGengar]

I need to talk tonight.

Almost a year ago today, I decided to take control of my life. I started reading and looked for a job abroad. I put in the effort and got the job, all in a rather nauseating family context. In short, I did my part.

I left at the end of August. It's almost December and I'm already mentally exhausted. The problem is that I can't stand my job and the atmosphere here is weighing on me. I lost about 6 kilos between two months, and without going into details I was already extremely thin. I'm at an anorexic weight now (BMI: 15) and the consequences are obvious. To make matters worse, my anxiety is accompanied by eating disorders, so I'm struggling to regain weight.

When I mentioned to one of my parents that I might want to go back, they simply told me that they no longer understood my decisions, and that they no longer approved of them. My parents have always supported me, to be honest. I've been on the depressed side as well as on the side of those who put up with other people's depression, I know how exhausting it is. But it's hit me so hard that I can't even think about going back now.

I can't find stability for more than three or four months because my head is rotten. No matter what I try. No matter how much I change studies, no matter how many countries I go to, it seems like I'm trying to run away from my shadow. I can let myself sink at times, but I always try to do something to get back up. Now I wonder if it's really worth it. I'm lucky that I'm a pretty well-connected person in general, and my friends do what they can to support me, but it's too much work, even for such dedicated and intelligent people. If I had been a bit more solitary, I would probably be dead by now.

My management has seen that I am sinking and suggests that I resign. They can't fire me unless there is serious misconduct. But I can't do my job properly any more: I have to manage people, but how can you do that when you're thinking of throwing yourself under the local metro train every five minutes? And even if I resign to go back to my country, nothing awaits me there but shame and sadness.

I've lived most of my life being miserable. Yet even if my family is not perfect, they have tried to do their best. I have not been beaten, I have been financially secure. I have been able to surround myself well with friends. I know I can attract girls, and I probably have a girl who likes me at the moment. I was a good student even though I didn't like school, and I had hobbies where I could stand out. In short, I wasn't that unlucky. And yet, it doesn't work.

I had the unshakeable faith that it would eventually change. That I had been too lucky at the start to fall too far. But I think I've lost that faith now, and I'm starting to feel the raw desperation. The more I try, the more it fails, the harder the next attempt is. Shame is a burn whose pain pierces me to the bone. And as much as I'd like to get all the venom out, there are things I'd rather not say because I know the people on this topic are depressed, so some of that poison will stay with me.

I have no idea what will happen to me. All my options are bad. Going home is shame and lack of perspective, staying is a huge risk. And even without talking about the mental side, going back has a lot of purely practical problems that seem like a mountain to me.
I don't even see what I'm going to do at this point. Anything can happen.

One last thing:
An hour ago I went to the supermarket to get some cigarettes in the freezing Caucasian night. After some Russian music, they played this music while I was at the checkout:

Music about depression, in French. God wanted me to cry. Instead I gritted my teeth and walked away, before writting this message.
Depression is the cancer of the mind.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. I can truly relate to the sentiment expressed in your post.

Someone once gave me some aphoristic advice, which I'll expand on as the concise version might come across as abrasive bereft of context. Severe clinical depression won't just 'get better' as some people declare, at least not for everyone. This doesn't mean that you'll never see any reprieve, rather that a person might not wake up one day and find themselves cured. Letting go of the hope that a complete turnaround is a possibility can be a weight off one's shoulders; no longer do they find themselves carrying the burden of responsibility as to why they feel so poor. What will improve in time is the way one can deal with their depression: things such as (healthy) coping mechanisms, tempered self-expectations, making a point to appreciate the things in life that you enjoy, no matter how small. Life may not live up to the expectations set as a wide-eyed youth, but that doesn't mean you can't live the life available to the fullest extent.

I apologize if this is too blunt, or if my viewpoint is overly pessimistic. Personally, I've always been fond of pragmatic advice rather than the idealistic response people often have to depression.

I won't pretend to have everything figured out. I still struggle tremendously with my own depression, but I'm always willing to lend an empathetic ear if you need someone to talk to.

 

[Ducky]

I've always struggled to talk about my feeling, but this is something that I felt I needed to get off my chest.
Some of you may know that tennis is something I am very passionate about and that I'm very good at it (ik this kinda sounds like a brag but it isnt meant to). Anyways, for while ive had some minor knee pain, but it has mostly come and gone pretty quickly. However, the past 2 weeks it has gotten much worse, so a week ago I went to the doctor and found out that I have a pretty bad case of Patellar tendinitis and will most likely never play tennis at a high level. This has been really difficult for me to process, especially because of all thw work I have for school, as even though I wasnt specifically hoping to pursue a career in tennis, it is no longer even an option that I can consider. I don't really know what to think or do, but it's been something weighing on me and I felt like i needed to talk about it.

 

[Local Dog]

Recently, I am just so stressed and scared. Stressed because I have to get back into all the personal and worklife shit after I had to put all my time in the last few weeks into my thesis. Scared because recently, my greatest fear has been acting up again: my fear of losing the ones I love

I had a dream or something like this on Monday and afterwards, I was so scared of my parents dying. I have a difficult relationship with them, but I love them and seeing them age and the thought of them dying one day scares me shitless. Everyone goes through this at some point, but the way I stand with them would make this maybe even worse.

Because of some very long story, I keep thinking of my friends and I fear they will leave me. Some people I considered friends for years have done so in my teenage years. Some people I considered friends have also only used me for my money and my support. I really fear that the same will happen. There's no reason for it, there were red flags all over with these fake friends of my past that I suspected. The current fears I have feel overthought. But... I don't fucking know man. I don't get much sleep and work is fucking me over really bad. I haven't seen my freinds in a while

I sometimes think about talking with my friends about this but I fear it might alienate them or seem manipulative. This whole social shit is still hard for me

Also, I keep dreaming so strongly. I recently reduced my SSRI consumption and I think it has to do with it. Dogs keep appearing in them. I think it's because they're associated with loyalty and that's kinda what I am all about. Part of the reason why I always considered them my spirit animals of sorts. It's weird how much power my dreams have over my life

 

[1LDK]

I was about to make this thread because i couldnt find it, man i almost make myself a laughing stock, again
Oh man, I just need to get this off my chest, my family are a bunch of self arrogant bastards who are constantly sabotaging the things the other do and then get surprised the other gets mad, like what the fuck did you think was supposed to happen? you fucking moron
and i cant stop these things because im scared and im a fucking coward good for nothing little shit, and now i have to break down in a forum about pokemon because im wrapped, trapped and cant go to the psyquiatrits, and now when i try to relax on games, my mind cant stop thinking about how much my life fucking sucks, and now im doing eveything bad which makes it all worst, fuck

worst thing is, eventually im gonna calm myself down and then everything is gonna happen again because nothing changes, the statuss quo is still there because everyone here is retarded, even me

and yeah, thaats the rant for today, see you at valentines

 

[Wildfiree]

Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.

 

[earl]

Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.

i’ve recently come to peace with the fact that i’m honestly not that smart generally, and i really think being comfortable with your flaws goes a long way in self acceptance. obviously don’t wallow in self pity but it’s important to understand that personal flaws really aren’t the end all. we all got em

 

[Local Dog]

I had sleep paralysis and horrifying, vivid nightmares in the last few months and it genuinely gives me fear of sleeping. Every time I get paralysis, I get the worst panic attacks and feel like I will die. When I get nightmares, I sometimes just can't function when awake because of how much pressure these dreams put on me

I am currently not home and sleep over in a tiny tiny apartment, even smaller than my 30sqm home. Something about this place makes this fear so much worse

I'll try to learn moving my toes or my pinky when I get paralysed so I get off from it, but it will take time I fear.

Of all phobias to have, this really is an unfortunate one...

 

[Captain Funk]

tw

pretty much nothing has gotten better at all for me since this post. I still just wish I was gone. I genuinely, honestly wish I could just not wake up tomorrow. I feel like there's absolutely nothing good left for me in this life. I can't contribute anything meaningful whatsoever to the world, and I can't even enjoy my own stupid pointless free time. I'm such a fucking moron man. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I can do this anymore.

Hey man. It's been awhile since we last spoke. I looked you up so we can catch up but it lead me to this post. Ik it's a bit late but I'm sorry that feel this way about yourself, cause the way you feel about yourself is not how I view you as a person. You've always been a kind hearted person with alot of ambition. There were times I do recall you doubting yourself, but everytime you did, you proved yourself wrong and ascended greater heights. Conquering every doubt you had about yourself and showing just how of an amazing person you are. I hope you're in a better mental space since your last post. If you ever want to reach out to catch up or just talk, my discord is Captain Funk#3230. Wishing the best for you man.

 

[mushamu]

Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.

It's been a while but I wanted to say that I feel like life is about enjoying every moment. Social anxiety is something I personally have struggled a lot with and still find it hard to overcome to this day; but it's not something I feel is embarrassing to have. I also wanted to say that our flaws are what makes us human. Humans are basically statues that are carved through stone. If everyone was perfect in everything they did, then the statue would not be carved at all, and we'd all just be blocks of stone without any versatility. For example, someone who doesn't have social anxiety may struggle in other aspects in their life, and that's completely okay. I wouldn't worry about feeling like "a man" either, because I honestly think society has unhealthy gender norms and that the standards can be largely contradictory to just being happy in doing what you'd like. Toxic masculinity is a thing, and it's very disgusting. As for the flaws, the people who make fun of others for being imperfect are the ones who should be shamed. The best thing is knowing you are not perfect and accept yourself like you are while focusing on self improvement in the future. I don't really think there's any other way to live life other than this; it's essentially just a huge journey of learning and experiencing.

This piece of advice is also probably something you've heard before but I would try to focus on the little things. This world is beautiful; admiring what it provides for you while taking pride in being alive will slowly help you become happier little by little. At the same time, try to give yourself grace and credit for all that you are and encourage yourself like you would to a close friend or as a guardian. For example, I don't know you in real life but on here, you seem like a good guy with a sense of empathy from the posts which I've seen you make. Empathy itself is not something to be looked down on either- personally I feel like it's one of the best traits someone can have and can get you far in life. Being emotionally intelligent is still being intelligent. Good people attract good people, and enjoying life with others that can support you is the best way to live it. Look at it as making yourself better than you already are instead of "getting onto the level of other people", because attitude is everything while everyone takes life at their own pace. Try to take gratitude for what's there instead of focusing on what isn't.

For college, I have a lot of friends in their 30s still attending community college to figure out a career path and living a happy life. You're still young too, so you've got lots of time :D.

I'm sorry if this advice wasn't helpful, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and you're always free to dm me on Discord too. I would also recommend finding a therapist or a life coach as something along the lines to help you with direction, but you got this either way :). Hope you've been doing better from the last time you posted in this thread

 

[Wildfiree]

It's been a while but I wanted to say that I feel like life is about enjoying every moment. Social anxiety is something I personally have struggled a lot with and still find it hard to overcome to this day; but it's not something I feel is embarrassing to have. I also wanted to say that our flaws are what makes us human. Humans are basically statues that are carved through stone. If everyone was perfect in everything they did, then the statue would not be carved at all, and we'd all just be blocks of stone without any versatility. For example, someone who doesn't have social anxiety may struggle in other aspects in their life, and that's completely okay. I wouldn't worry about feeling like "a man" either, because I honestly think society has unhealthy gender norms and that the standards can be largely contradictory to just being happy in doing what you'd like. Toxic masculinity is a thing, and it's very disgusting. As for the flaws, the people who make fun of others for being imperfect are the ones who should be shamed. The best thing is knowing you are not perfect and accept yourself like you are while focusing on self improvement in the future. I don't really think there's any other way to live life other than this; it's essentially just a huge journey of learning and experiencing.

This piece of advice is also probably something you've heard before but I would try to focus on the little things. This world is beautiful; admiring what it provides for you while taking pride in being alive will slowly help you become happier little by little. At the same time, try to give yourself grace and credit for all that you are and encourage yourself like you would to a close friend or as a guardian. For example, I don't know you in real life but on here, you seem like a good guy with a sense of empathy from the posts which I've seen you make. Empathy itself is not something to be looked down on either- personally I feel like it's one of the best traits someone can have and can get you far in life. Being emotionally intelligent is still being intelligent. Good people attract good people, and enjoying life with others that can support you is the best way to live it. Look at it as making yourself better than you already are instead of "getting onto the level of other people", because attitude is everything while everyone takes life at their own pace. Try to take gratitude for what's there instead of focusing on what isn't.

For college, I have a lot of friends in their 30s still attending community college to figure out a career path and living a happy life. You're still young too, so you've got lots of time :D.

I'm sorry if this advice wasn't helpful, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and you're always free to dm me on Discord too. I would also recommend finding a therapist or a life coach as something along the lines to help you with direction, but you got this either way :). Hope you've been doing better from the last time you posted in this thread

Thanks a lot for the advice I’ll keep it in mind moving forward. Thank you!

 

[Local Dog]

i’ve recently come to peace with the fact that i’m honestly not that smart generally, and i really think being comfortable with your flaws goes a long way in self acceptance. obviously don’t wallow in self pity but it’s important to understand that personal flaws really aren’t the end all. we all got em

Hey I remember having read your post when it was new and I didn't think much of it, but I just had a line of thought that actually brought me back to this

I always try to be the big strong man that faced adversity and came stronger out of it, but my fears, insecurities and mental scars have always remained. I somehow assumed that I will confront them somehow or portray them in a way that fits to this big strong man image I want to upkeep, but I just came to the conclusion that these things will stay with me in some way, no matter how much I confront them, and that I can only do the best of it

Recently I was genuinely scared of sleeping because I had sleep paralysis, nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep and it just made me feel so vulnerable, sitting on the corner of my bed, with my face in my hands, just scared of something that others do every single night without any issues. It clashed with how I want to see myself and how I want to portray myself, but by accepting these fears and seeing that they're valid, I just feel free in a way. Like unconstrained by the expectations I set up for myself

Maybe I am the big strong man for some people but I shouldn't care about this. I am who I am and whilst I want to be the best I can be, I don't want to constrain myself to some image or perception that's ultimately just making my life harder and my mental health worse. What I am trying to say, I think your post is just what I needed to hear, I just didn't listen to it until I came to the same conclusion in a roundabout way

 

[mushamu]

I realized this recently and I'm posting it here so I can work on it over the next few months.

tw: Trauma

I've pretty much realized that I'm still not done fighting my trauma and putting it to rest even though I thought I did a few months ago. It resurfaced as developing relationship OCD recently which I'm currently still trying to get checked out, and I think it's because for the first time in my life, being in a healthy relationship with no drama is really confusing. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and that's impacted a lot of how I behave and how I'm constantly dissatisfied with the aspects of my life, and how sometimes I'm too paralyzed by perfectionism to take action about things.

It kinda sucks because I thought I put all 18 years of trauma to rest a few months back when I started my second year of college, but these past few months have shown me I'm not done yet. I recently entered my first relationship and she's extremely sweet while we relate to each other in a lot of different ways despite being different people. She's definitely someone I can see myself having a future with, but it's just that it feels like my mind wants to find something wrong with the relationship to excuse to break it off even though I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It's probably because I'm not used to having an intimate relationship that is basically entirely healthy, and I guess it's something emotional abuse did to me in my childhood. I've pretty much exhausted every possibility about the relationship being wrong, but it feels like my mind is searching for something thats bad about the relationship even though I want to keep it and I love her. I'm going to enter therapy to work on it soon because I want to draw boundaries for my trauma, especially so it doesn't ruin my relationship. It sucks because I imagine myself breaking up with her and it brings me to tears, but at the same time I really don't want to.

I also realized that trauma was the reason I was dissociating a few months ago as well. It felt like I was watching my life from a movie, and I was completely numb to basically all emotion. The thing about trauma that's scary is that it feels like sometimes it's eating me from the inside, sometimes it feels like I've beaten it, and sometimes it feels like it's already consumed me. Sometimes it's hard to determine what's real and what's not in terms of my emotions and honestly it drives me insane because I'm constantly overthinking and gaslighting myself as defense mechanisms. It feels like I'm constantly on the brink of insanity and it has almost driven me to almost take my own life in the past but it is what it is.

I've decided that I'm going to work on healing big time now. I'm not going to let my trauma take my life away from me. I'm not going to let it eat me out from the inside anymore. I'm going to take back what originally belonged to me but I never got to have: the chance to live life instead of simply surviving. And once it's all over, I wish I can someday marry her because she's someone I want by my side at all times.

I'm not done fighting my battle with emotional abuse and I'm going to hold onto what's mine: my life, my relationship, my mind, everything. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to get over my trauma and live my life. I have to stop letting it drive my life, I have to give it the passengers seat, the backseat, and then throw it out of the car completely. My life is mine.

 

[Luck O' the Irish]

I realized this recently and I'm posting it here so I can work on it over the next few months.

tw: Trauma

I've pretty much realized that I'm still not done fighting my trauma and putting it to rest even though I thought I did a few months ago. It resurfaced as developing relationship OCD recently which I'm currently still trying to get checked out, and I think it's because for the first time in my life, being in a healthy relationship with no drama is really confusing. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and that's impacted a lot of how I behave and how I'm constantly dissatisfied with the aspects of my life, and how sometimes I'm too paralyzed by perfectionism to take action about things.

It kinda sucks because I thought I put all 18 years of trauma to rest a few months back when I started my second year of college, but these past few months have shown me I'm not done yet. I recently entered my first relationship and she's extremely sweet while we relate to each other in a lot of different ways despite being different people. She's definitely someone I can see myself having a future with, but it's just that it feels like my mind wants to find something wrong with the relationship to excuse to break it off even though I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It's probably because I'm not used to having an intimate relationship that is basically entirely healthy, and I guess it's something emotional abuse did to me in my childhood. I've pretty much exhausted every possibility about the relationship being wrong, but it feels like my mind is searching for something thats bad about the relationship even though I want to keep it and I love her. I'm going to enter therapy to work on it soon because I want to draw boundaries for my trauma, especially so it doesn't ruin my relationship. It sucks because I imagine myself breaking up with her and it brings me to tears, but at the same time I really don't want to.

I also realized that trauma was the reason I was dissociating a few months ago as well. It felt like I was watching my life from a movie, and I was completely numb to basically all emotion. The thing about trauma that's scary is that it feels like sometimes it's eating me from the inside, sometimes it feels like I've beaten it, and sometimes it feels like it's already consumed me. Sometimes it's hard to determine what's real and what's not in terms of my emotions and honestly it drives me insane because I'm constantly overthinking and gaslighting myself as defense mechanisms. It feels like I'm constantly on the brink of insanity and it has almost driven me to almost take my own life in the past but it is what it is.

I've decided that I'm going to work on healing big time now. I'm not going to let my trauma take my life away from me. I'm not going to let it eat me out from the inside anymore. I'm going to take back what originally belonged to me but I never got to have: the chance to live life instead of simply surviving. And once it's all over, I wish I can someday marry her because she's someone I want by my side at all times.

I'm not done fighting my battle with emotional abuse and I'm going to hold onto what's mine: my life, my relationship, my mind, everything. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to get over my trauma and live my life. I have to stop letting it drive my life, I have to give it the passengers seat, the backseat, and then throw it out of the car completely. My life is mine.

hey fam, this is a nice post-- a lot of good introspective stuff here. if you would care for my own 2 cents feel free to read:

Hide

So a lot of this is going to be informed by my own experiences. And while those of mine appear to be quite different from yours I've found myself thinking similar thoughts re: "I've finally gotten over it/I'm finally gonna beat it". And respectively, I don't think that's something that's possible. Not in a you can't do it kind of way but in what i would consider an incorrect model of trauma kind of way.

I think its helpful to think of what trauma actually is-- a defense mechanism. I'd argue trauma is a voice that is deeply concerned about your physical safety and cares very passionately about your wellbeing, but its not particularly adept at reading context. To use the car analogy its like having someone in the passengers seat thats constantly fretting over every sudden change of speed, being too close to the curb, making sure youre aware of that pedestrian that you'd have to go well out of your way to collide with. Trauma is informed by the most painful of your experiences. If you've played celeste you probably know where im going with this, and frankly i dont have too much to add onto it. Trying to distance yourself completely from trauma is, imo, both a fruitless exercise and potentially harmful. Saying trauma is/can be beneficial is obviously weird and possibly tone deaf here but I think one of the ways humans gain understanding and form connections is through pain. My own insecurities and awful experiences have made it possible for me to understand how other people may feel, and also connect with them.

To keep this from going totally in the weeds, my recommendation is try to be kind to your trauma. Take a moment to listen to it, what it's concerned about, and help it understand that youre not aiming to drive it and yourself into a ditch. Help it understand that youre trying to live a happy life for both of you. Trauma imo is not a presence that is trying to harm you, just keep you safe. Obviously what trauma has in mind for being safe tends not to be aligned with being happy.

And one final note-- I'm not 100% certain the "never going to get over this" thing may be completely applicable for you. for me its informed by autism and still not being totally accepting of it even three years after the diagnosis. But I've found trying to fight it basically just means I'm spending all my energy fighting myself.

 

[Wildfiree]

I realized this recently and I'm posting it here so I can work on it over the next few months.

tw: Trauma

I've pretty much realized that I'm still not done fighting my trauma and putting it to rest even though I thought I did a few months ago. It resurfaced as developing relationship OCD recently which I'm currently still trying to get checked out, and I think it's because for the first time in my life, being in a healthy relationship with no drama is really confusing. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and that's impacted a lot of how I behave and how I'm constantly dissatisfied with the aspects of my life, and how sometimes I'm too paralyzed by perfectionism to take action about things.

It kinda sucks because I thought I put all 18 years of trauma to rest a few months back when I started my second year of college, but these past few months have shown me I'm not done yet. I recently entered my first relationship and she's extremely sweet while we relate to each other in a lot of different ways despite being different people. She's definitely someone I can see myself having a future with, but it's just that it feels like my mind wants to find something wrong with the relationship to excuse to break it off even though I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It's probably because I'm not used to having an intimate relationship that is basically entirely healthy, and I guess it's something emotional abuse did to me in my childhood. I've pretty much exhausted every possibility about the relationship being wrong, but it feels like my mind is searching for something thats bad about the relationship even though I want to keep it and I love her. I'm going to enter therapy to work on it soon because I want to draw boundaries for my trauma, especially so it doesn't ruin my relationship. It sucks because I imagine myself breaking up with her and it brings me to tears, but at the same time I really don't want to.

I also realized that trauma was the reason I was dissociating a few months ago as well. It felt like I was watching my life from a movie, and I was completely numb to basically all emotion. The thing about trauma that's scary is that it feels like sometimes it's eating me from the inside, sometimes it feels like I've beaten it, and sometimes it feels like it's already consumed me. Sometimes it's hard to determine what's real and what's not in terms of my emotions and honestly it drives me insane because I'm constantly overthinking and gaslighting myself as defense mechanisms. It feels like I'm constantly on the brink of insanity and it has almost driven me to almost take my own life in the past but it is what it is.

I've decided that I'm going to work on healing big time now. I'm not going to let my trauma take my life away from me. I'm not going to let it eat me out from the inside anymore. I'm going to take back what originally belonged to me but I never got to have: the chance to live life instead of simply surviving. And once it's all over, I wish I can someday marry her because she's someone I want by my side at all times.

I'm not done fighting my battle with emotional abuse and I'm going to hold onto what's mine: my life, my relationship, my mind, everything. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to get over my trauma and live my life. I have to stop letting it drive my life, I have to give it the passengers seat, the backseat, and then throw it out of the car completely. My life is mine.

Keep thinking positive like your are currently doing. Slowly but surely you will overcome that trauma. Best of luck bro.

 

[McGrrr]

This thread is a rough read.

Hey guys, get therapy if you can, and don't give up if your first experience is unproductive; there are many mediocre therapists, or you might just be incompatible. Never hesitate to change therapist if you're not making progress.

If you don't have access to therapy or can't afford it, talk to someone, anyone, and if you have nobody in your life to talk to, call the Samaritans or similar.

Typing your situation online is a good start, but speaking out loud encourages the formation and processing of thoughts, especially in the presence of a capable listener who can gently nudge you towards a logical/rational conclusion and/or an achievable solution.

Life is hard regardless of whatever privilege that you lucked into. Your problems are valid and the struggle is (unironically) real, because there's no walkthrough to follow for your unique version of hard mode. Go talk to someone.