update on this situation: i guess i should stomach when they go back to badmouthing me. despite that, i've been feeling my best in a long time, even after going through a surgery on the hand i use!
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Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread
- Thread starter Rollout Shuckle
- Start date
So I can’t give you any therapeutical advice of course, but my therapists and I have always agreed that it’s best to seek some sort of assistance before it reaches a crisis point, i.e prevention > treatment mindset. If you know that the things your family will say will contribute to an emotional dogpile you’re already working through or anxious about potentially working through, don’t let yourself get to that point! Especially if help is at your fingertips.
That being said… if you know that saying something to them in response will put you in danger, take it on the chin until you feel safe. Wait until you get therapy or another form of assistance to figure out how to effectively set boundaries.
You know how to get set up with some sort of aid through your university now, right? Hopefully that’s already in motion…
You’re not responsible for what your parents decided to do before you were born. You didn’t ask to be born, you didn’t ask to be raised by both of them/for your dad to stay, so on and so forth. People fuck up and try to fix their mistakes, and maybe your parents were trying to make something work for your sake. You never know peoples’ intentions and cannot blame yourself for anything that’s happened in their lives, because they had entire lives before you were born that lead up to all the decisions made to give birth to you, keep you, raise you, etc. You belong here just as much as they do.
Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
yesterday i signed up for a gym again with lowlights and i made my body feel like jelly
i also slept for 9 hours!! that was super nice
i'm starving right now but i can't help buzzing a little on how improved my general mood is today, despite different instances of SLICING some jerks out of my life recently. i love lifting or moving heavy stuff and reaping the benefits, which includes those for my braaaain. which rly needs food
i also slept for 9 hours!! that was super nice
i'm starving right now but i can't help buzzing a little on how improved my general mood is today, despite different instances of SLICING some jerks out of my life recently. i love lifting or moving heavy stuff and reaping the benefits, which includes those for my braaaain. which rly needs food
The surgery was a separate issue from any aggression at home: a cyst on my wrist looked gross and was difficult to hide, so this was something I planned out for two years. It just so happens that I've had more of my heart into my work when I temporarily lost my hand, expecting to be out of commission.
In regards to the home situation itself, I have been stomaching any disrespect they give to me based on assumed gender. I've been doing fine otherwise.
How have the last few days since you started affected your mental?? If you can even tell the difference yet that isyesterday i signed up for a gym again with lowlights and i made my body feel like jelly
i also slept for 9 hours!! that was super nice
i'm starving right now but i can't help buzzing a little on how improved my general mood is today, despite different instances of SLICING some jerks out of my life recently. i love lifting or moving heavy stuff and reaping the benefits, which includes those for my braaaain. which rly needs food
What’s this work you had to adapt to without your hand?
every so often i think about coming back here to post. i usually don't do it, as evidenced by the, uh, lack of posts. i grasp onto some truth that could be useful or fun to share, but then it becomes ingrained and sticks out in my mind less as i move onto the next thing. but this time i'll actually post. prolly. given that i'm writing here, it seems pretty likely, and all this uncertain text will feel kinda silly assuming i actually do post. poster moment.
speaking of "moving onto the next thing", for a long time i've been looking for the answer of who i am. on my best day, it's someone euphorically happy with the life she's living. and on my worst, it was someone who felt so distanced from the world that she had to consciously choose continued existence. but both of these answers are only describing the contexts and details surrounding who i am. they aren't the real answer.
i've thought a lot about this and will give one momentary mulling among many. they say culture doesn't feel weird when you're in it, and my above contextualization of finding my identity may suffer from the same lack of outside perspective. who says there has to be one real answer? who says i have to know it? who says i can know it? i have assumed these parameters to be true, but why?
the theme that keeps coming back to me in my self-analysis is vulnerability. it's something i struggle a lot with. i have a hard time accepting my vulnerability to other people in particular. when i do acknowledge vulnerability and it's a good kind (think like comfort), i sometimes desperately try to maximize the sense of... that role? of belonging? something or other. and when it's a bad kind of vulnerability, it cuts me up inside like nothing else.
a big takeaway i've found is that i've been repressing myself real real deep for a long time, and with one visible motive: not burdening other people with having to deal with me. it sounds like a silly mental paradigm when i spell it out like that in a vacuum, but it's one i haven't been able to dispel, and there's reason for that. part of the reason is my eccentricity: those of you familiar with me may understand i'm an odd sort, if you haven't grasped it from this very post. but even that understanding exists after my unconscious and sometimes conscious self-repression. i seem to often end up as an "outcast among outcasts" so to speak. for a simpler and lower-stakes example (i'm acutely aware gender and sexual identity is not everything and am only providing one example), i consider my gender identity somewhere between female and demigirl, my sexual identity ace but definitely gray-ace, and my romantic identity pan/omni but heavily leaning lesbian. being queer is already unusual, but even within that sphere i occupy complicated and divergent positions on gender/sexual/romantic identity. and i'm still leaving out critical details that make the first two in particular considerably more complex. (as one might guess, finding people i deeply relate to/would consider role models is/was a heck of a challenge.)
observations can be made on that specific situation and the broader reality, that of me being "abnormal", it underpins. am i overly valuing rigid labels, out of a desire for stable structure or out of not knowing any better? is it healthy and/or sincere to use "different" as a significant part of one's identity? does the thought of abandoning stable structure, past habits, or a self-identification of "different" make me "vulnerable" in ways i'm not comfortable with? i've certainly thought about these questions. but i've also thought of questions that might be even better. like: what are the root of these situations?
one that has jumped out to me is my relation to religion. right now, i'd put myself somewhere along the lines of theist or deist, but i used to be a real for sure protestant christian as a kid, it being how i was raised and all. i didn't grow up in some intense fundy household. my parents are pretty liberal, and while my grandmother is real fundie, we all are aware of it and in disagreement. still, my past experience with religion shows ways in which my head got messed up, whether caused by the religion or no. i was a real literal kid, so the conceit of christianity as i knew it was "believe in jesus = good result after death, being a good person means wanting good outcomes for others, so being a good person means wanting others to believe in jesus." those of you familiar with these brain traps might recognize this as an extremely detached and impersonal way of defining "good person". this definition comes in part from a place of empathy, of wanting good for others, but it only actualizes that empathy on a surface level. all that matters is just changing one opinion in a person's head, not getting to know them or forming deep bonds or nothing.
as i said, i'm not necessarily saying this dangerous root is religion's fault. those weaknesses might've been where my head went regardless of religion. as kids, we don't know as much about the world, ourselves, and interacting as others, yeah? we make mistakes, all that jazz, and this is the sort of mistake that literal, precocious, well-meaning, and flawed kid me would make. still, this open-mindedness about my own role doesn't mean i'm not bitter about the idea of shallow interpersonality and the warped self-role that took root in my mind. there's this webcomic i like where a kid who got raised real fundy starts to learn the flaws in her conception of the world, and at one point she goes something like "it's like i got raised wrong on purpose, as some sort of cruel joke". i don't feel like i got raised wrong, on purpose or otherwise. no parents are perfect, but i have a lot to thank mine for. and yet, that statement really made me stop and relate to something pretty hard: not to being raised wrong, but to starting out on a wrong foot in a way, whatever the cause of that may be. i've made a lot of strides in my interpersonality and communication and self-understanding, but it's been painfully clear i've been fighting against a history of weakness in these areas, and there is still a ton of room for improvement.
having to dig in and improve from this weaker self-position reminds me of another reason, besides eccentricity, behind my difficulties with avoiding repression and accepting vulnerability. sometimes, interacting with others is the only way to improve these weaknesses, yet while you interact with them, you expose them to your weaknesses. in those cases where i've been willing to make myself vulnerable, i've oftentimesfelt been less socially competent or thoughtful or wise than others, which has caused friction and hurt, and that's not even getting into serious failures of mine. as i've become more socially aware, understanding how my weaknesses affect others has often made me feel inferior and anxious. it's my responsibility to be socially competent when having serious social interactions, and what does that say about me if i'm a liability who can't pull their own basic weight, am i right?
but that's a bit overly pessimistic, isn't it? i've come to believe so. growing is good, and accidental pain to others is a pretty unavoidable part of life. further, i have things people like about me, given that sometimes people talk to me more than one time! i won't embody all of these desired attributes at once, but i can make a positive difference in others' lives in more ways than explicit sacrifices with the explicit purpose of helping them. being myself can be enough, so long as i don't use that as cover to avoid responsibility for my smaller and serious failures, and i acknowledge that continual improvement on my weaknesses is part of who i am.
still, though, i must be careful of framing "being myself" as something that can be valuable to other people. just like everyone on this earth, my existence has inherent value of its own, and i'm the only one who can truly let it flourish. ugh, i'm still talking in this detached-morality coating–see how pervasive this stuff gets? anyway. i'm getting kinda tired of compromising how i feel about myself in reaction to what's "normal", what draws attention for deviating from what's expected. i know that even this compromise has potential for quite "abnormal" behavior, but i'm fed up with how much i'm compromising myself. i'm getting deeper and deeper looks into parts of myself i never would've accepted or actualized this much a mere couple of years ago, and internalizing and actualizing these parts makes me feel just so happy. i'm not going to give that up, and i'm not going to give up chasing more.
if anything jumps out to you here, feel free to engage or ask me questions here and in discord... i just can't promise i'll respond. it might be too personal, i may not enter the right mood for good talking about it, or i might just be too drained and busy. nothing personal, i promise. if you're close, i'll of course respond, but no pressure for you or anyone else to reach out, sincerity mode, i genuinely do feel good about the future
a bonus question for making it this far: Will You Snail?
speaking of "moving onto the next thing", for a long time i've been looking for the answer of who i am. on my best day, it's someone euphorically happy with the life she's living. and on my worst, it was someone who felt so distanced from the world that she had to consciously choose continued existence. but both of these answers are only describing the contexts and details surrounding who i am. they aren't the real answer.
i've thought a lot about this and will give one momentary mulling among many. they say culture doesn't feel weird when you're in it, and my above contextualization of finding my identity may suffer from the same lack of outside perspective. who says there has to be one real answer? who says i have to know it? who says i can know it? i have assumed these parameters to be true, but why?
the theme that keeps coming back to me in my self-analysis is vulnerability. it's something i struggle a lot with. i have a hard time accepting my vulnerability to other people in particular. when i do acknowledge vulnerability and it's a good kind (think like comfort), i sometimes desperately try to maximize the sense of... that role? of belonging? something or other. and when it's a bad kind of vulnerability, it cuts me up inside like nothing else.
a big takeaway i've found is that i've been repressing myself real real deep for a long time, and with one visible motive: not burdening other people with having to deal with me. it sounds like a silly mental paradigm when i spell it out like that in a vacuum, but it's one i haven't been able to dispel, and there's reason for that. part of the reason is my eccentricity: those of you familiar with me may understand i'm an odd sort, if you haven't grasped it from this very post. but even that understanding exists after my unconscious and sometimes conscious self-repression. i seem to often end up as an "outcast among outcasts" so to speak. for a simpler and lower-stakes example (i'm acutely aware gender and sexual identity is not everything and am only providing one example), i consider my gender identity somewhere between female and demigirl, my sexual identity ace but definitely gray-ace, and my romantic identity pan/omni but heavily leaning lesbian. being queer is already unusual, but even within that sphere i occupy complicated and divergent positions on gender/sexual/romantic identity. and i'm still leaving out critical details that make the first two in particular considerably more complex. (as one might guess, finding people i deeply relate to/would consider role models is/was a heck of a challenge.)
observations can be made on that specific situation and the broader reality, that of me being "abnormal", it underpins. am i overly valuing rigid labels, out of a desire for stable structure or out of not knowing any better? is it healthy and/or sincere to use "different" as a significant part of one's identity? does the thought of abandoning stable structure, past habits, or a self-identification of "different" make me "vulnerable" in ways i'm not comfortable with? i've certainly thought about these questions. but i've also thought of questions that might be even better. like: what are the root of these situations?
one that has jumped out to me is my relation to religion. right now, i'd put myself somewhere along the lines of theist or deist, but i used to be a real for sure protestant christian as a kid, it being how i was raised and all. i didn't grow up in some intense fundy household. my parents are pretty liberal, and while my grandmother is real fundie, we all are aware of it and in disagreement. still, my past experience with religion shows ways in which my head got messed up, whether caused by the religion or no. i was a real literal kid, so the conceit of christianity as i knew it was "believe in jesus = good result after death, being a good person means wanting good outcomes for others, so being a good person means wanting others to believe in jesus." those of you familiar with these brain traps might recognize this as an extremely detached and impersonal way of defining "good person". this definition comes in part from a place of empathy, of wanting good for others, but it only actualizes that empathy on a surface level. all that matters is just changing one opinion in a person's head, not getting to know them or forming deep bonds or nothing.
as i said, i'm not necessarily saying this dangerous root is religion's fault. those weaknesses might've been where my head went regardless of religion. as kids, we don't know as much about the world, ourselves, and interacting as others, yeah? we make mistakes, all that jazz, and this is the sort of mistake that literal, precocious, well-meaning, and flawed kid me would make. still, this open-mindedness about my own role doesn't mean i'm not bitter about the idea of shallow interpersonality and the warped self-role that took root in my mind. there's this webcomic i like where a kid who got raised real fundy starts to learn the flaws in her conception of the world, and at one point she goes something like "it's like i got raised wrong on purpose, as some sort of cruel joke". i don't feel like i got raised wrong, on purpose or otherwise. no parents are perfect, but i have a lot to thank mine for. and yet, that statement really made me stop and relate to something pretty hard: not to being raised wrong, but to starting out on a wrong foot in a way, whatever the cause of that may be. i've made a lot of strides in my interpersonality and communication and self-understanding, but it's been painfully clear i've been fighting against a history of weakness in these areas, and there is still a ton of room for improvement.
having to dig in and improve from this weaker self-position reminds me of another reason, besides eccentricity, behind my difficulties with avoiding repression and accepting vulnerability. sometimes, interacting with others is the only way to improve these weaknesses, yet while you interact with them, you expose them to your weaknesses. in those cases where i've been willing to make myself vulnerable, i've oftentimes
but that's a bit overly pessimistic, isn't it? i've come to believe so. growing is good, and accidental pain to others is a pretty unavoidable part of life. further, i have things people like about me, given that sometimes people talk to me more than one time! i won't embody all of these desired attributes at once, but i can make a positive difference in others' lives in more ways than explicit sacrifices with the explicit purpose of helping them. being myself can be enough, so long as i don't use that as cover to avoid responsibility for my smaller and serious failures, and i acknowledge that continual improvement on my weaknesses is part of who i am.
still, though, i must be careful of framing "being myself" as something that can be valuable to other people. just like everyone on this earth, my existence has inherent value of its own, and i'm the only one who can truly let it flourish. ugh, i'm still talking in this detached-morality coating–see how pervasive this stuff gets? anyway. i'm getting kinda tired of compromising how i feel about myself in reaction to what's "normal", what draws attention for deviating from what's expected. i know that even this compromise has potential for quite "abnormal" behavior, but i'm fed up with how much i'm compromising myself. i'm getting deeper and deeper looks into parts of myself i never would've accepted or actualized this much a mere couple of years ago, and internalizing and actualizing these parts makes me feel just so happy. i'm not going to give that up, and i'm not going to give up chasing more.
if anything jumps out to you here, feel free to engage or ask me questions here and in discord... i just can't promise i'll respond. it might be too personal, i may not enter the right mood for good talking about it, or i might just be too drained and busy. nothing personal, i promise. if you're close, i'll of course respond, but no pressure for you or anyone else to reach out, sincerity mode, i genuinely do feel good about the future
a bonus question for making it this far: Will You Snail?
Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
i've become more focused on stuff that makes me feel good, like the buzz after exercising, but especially i've been able to hmmm... let it ride, as it were. easier to shift focus from stuff that isn't serving me NOW
and ive been eating a LOT
more than anything i love the feeling of soreness, it's tangible proof that i put some serious effort into using my body in different ways, and that acts as a feedback loop of good mental feelings about how i've treated my body and why that makes me happy!~~
Hi again, I'm Drew! and im actually saying fuck it to punctuation bc im lazy. last time i was here this thread was called depression. i appreciate the name change bc mental health is so much more than just depression. this thread title is nice and inclusive and just radiates better vibes imo.
so ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time but i just suffered through it and didnt reach out for help. but then this crazy thing happened and i got a girlfriend which is my first serious relationship. and its honestly shocking how different your life gets when you have someone who loves and cares about you (that isnt your parents) glued to your hip 24/7. so now im going to seriously get in therapy this summer. i also just started taking anti depressants (took my second pill just now)
this shit is scary af. yes im trying to take better care of my mental health but its really scary. like what if it doesnt work? what if i dont improve? ive has some pretty serious depressive episodes where i've gone borderline suicidal. i just feel so low and sad like im just sinking in a pit of gooey sadness and shit. it fucking sucks. i just want to feel better and i hope i do.
ive almost broken up with my girl a few times and i dont know if its bc im depressed or bc the relationship isnt good. i love her but were long distance and that causes so many communication errors and fights. were living together this summer so hopefully we make it through stronger otherwise its over. weve been together 8 months and theres been a lot of highs and lows but its been overall a great experience. highly recommend a significant other to hold you accountable and make you better.
i really hope i improve. and i dont think im gonna hurt myself or end my life. i think its all uphill from here, i hope. anyway just briefly checking in. i hope all yall are doing fantastic and i love every single one of you. i love this community bc, for the most part, everyone is very accepting of everyone no matter any of their life decisions. were a huge melting pot of racial and gender identities and were just living life and playing pokemon. hell yeah to that brother
peace out folks <3
so ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time but i just suffered through it and didnt reach out for help. but then this crazy thing happened and i got a girlfriend which is my first serious relationship. and its honestly shocking how different your life gets when you have someone who loves and cares about you (that isnt your parents) glued to your hip 24/7. so now im going to seriously get in therapy this summer. i also just started taking anti depressants (took my second pill just now)
this shit is scary af. yes im trying to take better care of my mental health but its really scary. like what if it doesnt work? what if i dont improve? ive has some pretty serious depressive episodes where i've gone borderline suicidal. i just feel so low and sad like im just sinking in a pit of gooey sadness and shit. it fucking sucks. i just want to feel better and i hope i do.
ive almost broken up with my girl a few times and i dont know if its bc im depressed or bc the relationship isnt good. i love her but were long distance and that causes so many communication errors and fights. were living together this summer so hopefully we make it through stronger otherwise its over. weve been together 8 months and theres been a lot of highs and lows but its been overall a great experience. highly recommend a significant other to hold you accountable and make you better.
i really hope i improve. and i dont think im gonna hurt myself or end my life. i think its all uphill from here, i hope. anyway just briefly checking in. i hope all yall are doing fantastic and i love every single one of you. i love this community bc, for the most part, everyone is very accepting of everyone no matter any of their life decisions. were a huge melting pot of racial and gender identities and were just living life and playing pokemon. hell yeah to that brother
peace out folks <3
Hey I’m back again and I’m doing much better than I have been before. I am taking medication for my depression but I feel I’m getting to the point where I may not need it soon. It took awhile but I feel I'm finally starting to find peace. Some pain still never go away but that’s ok because it’s part of life and that’s what I’m starting to realize. I do feel the worst is behind me and I will keep pushing and face whatever challenges ahead. Thanks for reading :)
I have no friends, other than online friends. at school, i feel shunned, invisible, forgetable, unimportant. everyone else has at least 1 friend, except for me. nobody comes up to me, wants to talk to me. the most i get is a "hi" in the middle of the hallway. i need help, and i need to talk about this, so please...
i just feel so lonely, and like im the only one in the world as lonely as me
you being sheltered on the Internet isn't really helping matters, you need to actually initiate stuff. Worse comes to worst you fail a few times, you're in high school you'll be fine lol.
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i have tried, believe me. and dont say i havent tried hard enough. i start up conversations all the time, most of which lead nowhere with one word answeres like "fine" and "okay"
That's what happens when you grow up with a bunch of people who also live in bubbles their whole life and never had to socialize. Regardless, It's normal to have 1-2 friends in high school real people don't have 10 million friends unlike social media pushes current era kids to believe. Those few friends will stick with you way after you graduate and if you don't have that yet keep trying and you will.
except i have 0! and also, i moed to this school this year. but it feels like you're downplaying my lonliness
Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
i think being in a new environment you have to accept that people won't automatically want to be friends with someone they don't necessarily know--yet! i think when you focus on yourself and your interests, especially while at school, you will naturally bump elbows with people you have similar interests with because you'll wind up in the same physical spaces at school, maybe you're in the same class, etc.
i will say, i think people of all ages are becoming both more open with their own personality quirks and thereby more fixated on them as well, to their own detriment sometimes! people also don't want to be friends with someone they might perceive as "desperate" or "trying too hard" because it puts undue pressure on them to accept you... not because they are interested in you, but because they're wary of what might happen if they DON'T indulge your quirks. making friends shouldn't feel like a make-or-break your day scenario, that's far too much pressure put on both YOU and whomever you've targeted to be a potential friendo
you could have a million friends that talk to you all the time and you might still feel lonely -- it matters how and why exactly you're considering yourself to be so lonely. you're also young, so i understand that being in a new environment and not knowing anybody is totally scary--but! it's also an opportunity to be yourself without judgement. if no one knows you, no one has any pre-conceived notions or ideas about you. they can't make up who you are because they literally have no idea. maybe that can make you brave to show them who you are..
regardless, you shouldn't base your self-worth on the number of friends you have. you should want to be friends with people who like you, and you can't force people to like you, so all you can do is be open and be yourself, and slowly your friends will come to you~
but walking around thinking that finding friends is a simple math function that you don't know all the variables to yet, is foolish. imagine, and then realize that all your peers walking around are also worried about making friends, or worried about coming off as something they're not, or worried THEY will say the wrong thing to YOU when you ask them how they are. the first step in all this is immediately dismissing the idea that "no one could feel as lonely as me" because the human experience is pretty ubiquitous (it happens everywhere to everyone) when it comes to feelings of our self-esteem, and how others might perceive us! articles like this one all but prove that people are far more concerned about their own issues than thinking about other people day to day, so let that be a weight off your shoulders when you're trying to make friends, too!!!
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thank you so so so fucking much. fishy, you've done it again! you're so awesome
hey im posting a situation ive been going through to see whether or not anyone has felt the same
basically i figured out due to recent events that im an incredibly toxic person; its not really my own fault that much but its because of certain things that have happened to me in the past. but i realized its done things to be like having me constantly need validation, become easily frustrated or emotional when something happens, and im overly sensitive especially when someone hits a trauma trigger which there are many. ive realized im really emotionally damaged and insecure
i ended up hurting someone recently because i responded badly to them with a kneejerk reaction. they wanted to change things in our friendship but i took it as they really didnt like me and want to talk to me anymore and i hurt them by telling them by instantly saying we needed to cut things off, which made them feel attacked. they were one of my best friends too and we're no longer on talking terms. im hurting right now a lot because i feel like i really didnt analyze the situation that well; i just instantly reacted with cutting someone off because in my head, i hated the idea that someone might be displeased with me and that caused me to behave irrationally. this is not ok, i shouldnt do this for obvious reasons and i want to be able to think rationally.
i really think i should stop having really deep connections to people because i feel like i will come off the wrong way and hurt them. i dont want someone to feel like im their friend and then if they set me off im suddenly cold and distant to them. i want to stop having really deep friendships with people so i dont damage them once i put so much effort into it and take relationships lightly so i wont overreact. the effect of trauma is really scary because it affects the way a person thinks and even now i have no clue whether im thinking rationally. i thought i was healing nicely a few months ago but from what happened recently i cant really say so anymore. i dont really know if i should distance myself from people so i dont hurt them or if i should get closer to more people so i can heal.
people always tell me im nice, that im genuine and that i have a good heart but theres a side that doesnt really come up as much from me where i have a lot of bad traits due to what happened to me in the past. in reality i can be really insecure, toxic, irrational, impulsive, and depressed because of how emotionally damaged i am and that leads me to unintentionally hurt people even who are close to me. i dont want to be two sided where its like, "dont get on my bad side and you're all good", i just want to be someone who helps other people and knows how to handle situations with good judgement. i feel like i have good judgement when im thinking rationally; it's just i dont think rationally a good portion of the time because there are a lot of things that bring out the bad side of me.
i think im going to talk to the friend and tell them that i dont want to hurt them anymore because they have been through a lot as well. i want to get better for the people around me, so i want to improve as a person and have good character; maybe through therapy. but for now, it feels like a pressing weight on my shoulders and i havent been able to function for the past few days because of it. im just really sad rn and id like advice if possible on this
basically i figured out due to recent events that im an incredibly toxic person; its not really my own fault that much but its because of certain things that have happened to me in the past. but i realized its done things to be like having me constantly need validation, become easily frustrated or emotional when something happens, and im overly sensitive especially when someone hits a trauma trigger which there are many. ive realized im really emotionally damaged and insecure
i ended up hurting someone recently because i responded badly to them with a kneejerk reaction. they wanted to change things in our friendship but i took it as they really didnt like me and want to talk to me anymore and i hurt them by telling them by instantly saying we needed to cut things off, which made them feel attacked. they were one of my best friends too and we're no longer on talking terms. im hurting right now a lot because i feel like i really didnt analyze the situation that well; i just instantly reacted with cutting someone off because in my head, i hated the idea that someone might be displeased with me and that caused me to behave irrationally. this is not ok, i shouldnt do this for obvious reasons and i want to be able to think rationally.
i really think i should stop having really deep connections to people because i feel like i will come off the wrong way and hurt them. i dont want someone to feel like im their friend and then if they set me off im suddenly cold and distant to them. i want to stop having really deep friendships with people so i dont damage them once i put so much effort into it and take relationships lightly so i wont overreact. the effect of trauma is really scary because it affects the way a person thinks and even now i have no clue whether im thinking rationally. i thought i was healing nicely a few months ago but from what happened recently i cant really say so anymore. i dont really know if i should distance myself from people so i dont hurt them or if i should get closer to more people so i can heal.
people always tell me im nice, that im genuine and that i have a good heart but theres a side that doesnt really come up as much from me where i have a lot of bad traits due to what happened to me in the past. in reality i can be really insecure, toxic, irrational, impulsive, and depressed because of how emotionally damaged i am and that leads me to unintentionally hurt people even who are close to me. i dont want to be two sided where its like, "dont get on my bad side and you're all good", i just want to be someone who helps other people and knows how to handle situations with good judgement. i feel like i have good judgement when im thinking rationally; it's just i dont think rationally a good portion of the time because there are a lot of things that bring out the bad side of me.
i think im going to talk to the friend and tell them that i dont want to hurt them anymore because they have been through a lot as well. i want to get better for the people around me, so i want to improve as a person and have good character; maybe through therapy. but for now, it feels like a pressing weight on my shoulders and i havent been able to function for the past few days because of it. im just really sad rn and id like advice if possible on this
Take a break from the Internet or any (easy) social interaction and look inward. It seems like you have trouble controlling your negative impulses and being in an environment where you can spout off whatever you want whenever you want doesn't help. Whatever emotional damage you got sucks but at the end of the day it cannot be used as a scapegoat to make bad decisions if you care about improving. Find out what triggers those negative behaviors, avoid those circumstances and every time you are extremely angry (whether it be irl or in the Internet) excuse yourself and find a place where you are alone until you are able to realize why you are angry and calm down.
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Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
yesterday i had a biiiiiig bout of doubt over whether or not i want children, because i am convinced that whatever i feel i haven't accomplished yet, it will pretty much be impossible to do so if i have a baby to tend to
i know personal life success and child rearing aren't mutually exclusive, but weirdly i fear that if i became a mother then that would consume me and become my "main job" even though i wouldn't lose any of the interests i had prior
i keep telling myself that fiercely loving my child wouldn't be a detriment, so then i wonder if this anxiety is just another elaborate example of like, cherophobia (fear of happiness) or it's just the age-old plague thoughts of self-doubt and ADHD perfectionism, meaning anything worth doing isn't actually worth doing if you can't do it perfectly (a dumb philosophy i do my best to stray away from)
apart from all that i am also already in my 30s and women can't exactly just have children whenever they want, so the idea that i'm also in that window of like, me against the biological clock is annoying. i don't want to have a baby just because i won't be able to after a certain point and i still haven't made up my mind!!!!
at the end of the day it's wonderful having a supportive partner, as neither of us really considered reproducing until we had met one another and became SO obsessed to the point of wanting to create little combo versions of us.... so i know whatever happens, i'll be supported and i WILL be happy, even if that happiness appears scary at first~~~~
i know personal life success and child rearing aren't mutually exclusive, but weirdly i fear that if i became a mother then that would consume me and become my "main job" even though i wouldn't lose any of the interests i had prior
i keep telling myself that fiercely loving my child wouldn't be a detriment, so then i wonder if this anxiety is just another elaborate example of like, cherophobia (fear of happiness) or it's just the age-old plague thoughts of self-doubt and ADHD perfectionism, meaning anything worth doing isn't actually worth doing if you can't do it perfectly (a dumb philosophy i do my best to stray away from)
apart from all that i am also already in my 30s and women can't exactly just have children whenever they want, so the idea that i'm also in that window of like, me against the biological clock is annoying. i don't want to have a baby just because i won't be able to after a certain point and i still haven't made up my mind!!!!
at the end of the day it's wonderful having a supportive partner, as neither of us really considered reproducing until we had met one another and became SO obsessed to the point of wanting to create little combo versions of us.... so i know whatever happens, i'll be supported and i WILL be happy, even if that happiness appears scary at first~~~~
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stuart littled.
Banned deucer.
does you rather have baby boy or girl.
hello, I felt I had to say something because I am also in my 30s and I has a kid. I won't go into over sharing unless you'd like me to :p (I had my son when I was 24). feel free to DM me or reply here .. or whatnot n.n
biologically speaking, I have many, _many_ years before I cannot father children. But it's not just about whether you can physically conceive a child, but being:
1. financially stable
2. mentally stable
3. physically healthy
for the 20-25 years AFTER the baby is born. Number 1 is probably not gonna get worse for most people, as with age, you build wealth and a career etc. But number 3 means that, while biology allows me to have a kid at 60 (granted, it might take a few more tries than at 20), it would be incredibly immoral to do so given that the odds of me dying during the kid's formative years are quite higher. And even if I survived, I'd still be so old and slow and cranky and physically/mentally unable to deal with the demands of fatherhood.
So in reality for a man acting _ethically_, the window might be wider than it is for a woman, but the difference isn't as big as people think. People are so obsessed with how long they _can_ have kids, and forget about how long they _should_.
I currently harbour no plans to have children. But at 32, I am aware that I don't have a lot of time left to change my mind, based on my ethics.
1. financially stable
2. mentally stable
3. physically healthy
for the 20-25 years AFTER the baby is born. Number 1 is probably not gonna get worse for most people, as with age, you build wealth and a career etc. But number 3 means that, while biology allows me to have a kid at 60 (granted, it might take a few more tries than at 20), it would be incredibly immoral to do so given that the odds of me dying during the kid's formative years are quite higher. And even if I survived, I'd still be so old and slow and cranky and physically/mentally unable to deal with the demands of fatherhood.
So in reality for a man acting _ethically_, the window might be wider than it is for a woman, but the difference isn't as big as people think. People are so obsessed with how long they _can_ have kids, and forget about how long they _should_.
I currently harbour no plans to have children. But at 32, I am aware that I don't have a lot of time left to change my mind, based on my ethics.
Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
haaaaaaa when i was young i wanted 2 boys and 2 girls so everyone would have a brother and a sister
i've had a fantasy where i keep the red headed gene alive and i mate with someone who also has the recessive trait and then i somehow statistically give birth to red headed twin girls, BUT
my partner is italian and i love him so much that i want a little version of him, yet i've still never been intoxicated by the idea of like, reproducing MY genes as i don't have an ego about my "bloodline" being superior to the next person's and therefore it's important that it continues, etc
tbh now that rihanna is pregnant i feel way braver about the whole process, but unlike rihanna i don't have my shit together so !!!!
my main thing is that if i have a girl her name will be "paulette" to honor my late grandma as she was my favorite human being in existence when i was young and formative, plus it's one of those "old gen" names that i am also fond of because they seem like an era of names dying out. certainly never going to have a daughter named "McKeighluh", for instance
We live in times where it is in no means necessary to have a child. I mean there is no obligation to society.
As a human you can stronger focus on what makes you happy. Wether this is carreer, hobbys, travelling...
As a human you can stronger focus on what makes you happy. Wether this is carreer, hobbys, travelling...