Grammar-Prose Workshop v5

[Milak]

Torterra feedback

Torterra's niche largely comes from it's good coverage, access to Rock Polish, [ac] and solid natural bulk, [ac] making it a functional sweeper in the late-game that can be difficult to take down without super- [as]effective coverage.

• Make sure you format your changes in the clearest way possible, stuff like Torterra's or it's can be very easy to miss by writers. The two possible solutions are:
  • - Using comments -> Torterra's (AA) it's (RA)
  • - Simply writing the full correction -> Torterras Torterra's

I would also recommend capitalizing the comments for punctuation, as it makes them more visible and less hard to miss. So [ac] -> (AC)

• The same applies for super- [as] effective coverage: it is unclear what you're adding and removing, so always remember to use the appropriate colors: blue for additions, red for removals, and green / purple / yellow or whatever you like (even black works) for comments. In this case, it would be "super-(RH)effective or super-effective super effective"
• late-, mid-, and early-game are treated like adverbs or adjectives, not nouns, so structures like "during / in the late-game" cannot be accepted. "[...] making it a functional late-game sweeper" -> this is better.

Torterra can also support its team as a wallbreaker in matchups where sweeping is unlikely, [ac] which gives it some flexibility. Unfortunately, Torterra's low speed Speed makes it incredibly reliant on obtaining a Rock Polish boost to not be immediately threatened by the myriad of Pokemon foes who are faster than it, such as Aerodactyl, Sigilyph, Sneasel, [ac] and Delphox.

• A few unnecessary changes: "some flexibility" is not really something worth changing, and "Unfortunately" here seems more appropriate, as the author has just finished listing the Pokemon's traits and will now proceed to mention some of its drawbacks & flaws, so please be careful with subjective changes and stick to the stuff you 100% know it's wrong like spelling & evident grammar mistakes.
• "the myriad of Pokemon foes who are faster than it" -> while it is true that foes can be used to refer to opposing Pokemon, by removing "myriad of" you are slightly altering the content of the analysis, as the author is trying to emphasize how Torterra is outsped by a large portion of the metagame. Again, be careful with this.
• "Who" should never be used to refer to Pokemon; always use "that" or "which" accordingly, and for more info on how to use them, see this:

fleur's notes about that/which

The two words "that" and "which" are not interchangeable: "that" should only be used in a restrictive sense, while "which" should only be used in a non-restrictive sense. More simply, this means that if the sentence's meaning doesn't change with the inclusion of the that/which clause, "which" should be used. If it does, "that" should be used.

• e.g. Pokemon that are weak to Stealth Rock, such as Kyurem-B, appreciate having spinblockers on their team. vs Ice-types, which traditionally have been neglected on defensive teams, have become more popular on stall.
  • In the first sentence, "that" specifies a specific set of Pokemon—those that are weak to Stealth Rock. This attribute is not true for all Pokemon, so the sentence's meaning changes with the inclusion of the clause, necessitating the use of "that" and not "which".
  • Conversely, in the second sentence, the assumption that is made is that all Ice-types have been neglected on defensive teams, so the sentence's meaning doesn't change without the clause. "Which" is thus the word to go for here.

Additionally, despite Torterra's great coverage, it struggles greatly with Pokemon against foes like Weezing and Dhelmise who are to bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance. Torterra is also marred by a neutrality to Water and a severe weakness to Scald,[ac] which maekesmakes it less splashable harder to use given the opportunity cost of using it over other, more consistent Grass Types Grass-types like Whimsicott and Sceptile.

• with Pokemon against foes -> again, not something I would personally change, as it does not improve the quality of the writing in any way.
• who are to bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance -> removing this slightly alters the content, which is something we are not supposed to unfortunately. The correct change here would've been "Dhelmise who are to bulky ,(AC) which (or that but without the comma before) are too bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance".
• splashable is often used improperly to refer to Pokemon that fit on multiple types of teams. There are multiple ways to get around this, you can replace it with another adjective like "versatile" or "flexible" or simply reconstruct the sentence to something like "which makes it hard to fit on different teams". If you change this to "harder to use" you are, once again, slightly changing the content of the analysis.

Slowbro feedback

Scald is a reliable STAB move that possesses a chance to make makes Slowbro even more difficult to take down with physical attacks and threatens Fire-, Rock-, and Ground-types like Delphox, Rhydon, Steelix and Palossand.

• This is good, except for the removal of "move", which is unnecessary. Also, remember to format your changes and make them very visible: if you add hyphens, then you must let the writer know that you did, something like "Fire-(AH), Rock-(AH)", etc works just fine.

Block is the crux of the set and lets Slowbro trap passive Pokemon like Audino-Mega, Ferroseed, and Miltank, [ac] as well as bulky Waters Water-types like Vaporeon, Blastoise, and Defensive opposing Slowbro.

• Remember to always check the spelling of Pokemon: Audino-Mega Mega Audino.
• While it is correct to add "opposing" when mentioning the same species twice, you cannot remove the adjective "defensive", as it is a key element that defines the type of set. The only thing to do with it is just remove the capital letter.

Rest restores all of Slowbro's hp HP and clears it of any status from Pokemon like Xatu, Vaporeon, and Seismitoad Seismitoed, making it difficult to wear down once it gets multiple boosts from Calm Mind.

• "Any" status is fine, you could also be more specific and add something like "conditions" or "ailments".
• The spelling of Seismitoad was correct and you changed it to a wrong one, please be extra careful with this and always double check to make sure not to miss stuff like this!

which rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Waters Water-types, and enables Slowbro to pp-PP [as]stall Water immunities Water-immune Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoed.

• Again, be careful with formatting changes, the PP stall one is kind of difficult to understand, refer to my first notes for this.
• Seismitoad, not Seismitoed.
• Since there's a comma before "and", you will need to reiterate the subject, as otherwise the sentence cannot stand on its own. Refer to fleur's notes for this:

fleur's notes about comma before "and"

• Coordinating conjunctions (FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) should not be preceded by a comma when the clause that comes after is dependent (i.e. the clause cannot stand alone as a sentence).
  • In the same vein, when the two clauses being connected are independent, a comma must be placed before the coordinating conjunction.
  • e.g. Kingdra is a great fit on Water teams and works well on Dragon teams too (correct). / Kingdra is a great fit on Water teams, and it works well on Dragon teams too (second clause is now independent; needs comma after).

Gimmickyasitgets overall this is solid, Slowbro was better than Torterra because you were able to catch more subjective stuff in the correct way and spot most of the spelling mistakes. As always, I recommend using the Spelling & Standards thread and Fleur's notes every time you're not sure (but even when you are, double checking isn't bad). Hope this helped!

 

[Yoko]

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Havent been in the workshop for a while so i thought ill do another amgp
think i did a alright job but im unsure

Snake

Choice Band Rayquaza is one of the strongest wallbreakers in the tier thanks to its high Attack and high base power High-Base Power moves. Dragon Ascent is Rayquaza's main stab STAB move of choice, 2HKO'ing (RA) prominent Ddefensive walls such as Clefable and Slowking. V-Ccreate lets Rayquaza overpower Pokemon who resist Dragon Ascent (Could reword this to "V-create lets Rayquaza overpower Flying-resistant foes i think ", (AC) such as Necrozma-DMusk-Mane, Corviknight, Skarmory, and Zamazenta-Crowned. ExtremeSpeed Extreme Speed allows Rayquaza to finish off chipped Pokemon like Weavile, Tapu Koko, and Raichu-Alolan Alolan Raichu. Earthquake still dents Zamazenta-Crowned and Excadrill without lowering Rayquaza's stats, (AC) and also provides coverage against Tyranitar, (AC) Tapu-Koko (RH), and Heatran. However, EQ Earthquake is significantly weaker, (AC) and fails failing to 2HKO physical physically defensive Necrozma-DMusk-Mane. Scale Shot is another option which turns Rayquaza into a potential late-game (AH) cleaner thanks to its Speed boost by boosting its speed and it gives it a chance to break Lunala, (AC) but it suffers from inconsistent damage;, (Remove semicolon) (AC) Outrage is an option for burst damage against bulkier threats like Giratina and Zekrom, (AC) but locking Rayquaza into it for 2 to 3 turns Two or Three turns is a steep penalty if any Fairy-types (AH) remain on the opposing side.

 

[Milak]

Choice Band Rayquaza is one of the strongest wallbreakers in the tier thanks to its high Attack and high base power High-Base Power moves.

Minor thing but "high" should not be capitalized.

V-Ccreate lets Rayquaza overpower Pokemon who resist Dragon Ascent (Could reword this to "V-create lets Rayquaza overpower Flying-resistant foes i think ", (AC) such as Necrozma-DMusk-Mane, Corviknight, Skarmory, and Zamazenta-Crowned.

Remember that "who" cannot be used to refer to Pokemon, only that or which can be used. In this case, "that" would've been the correct choice. Also, "Flying-resistant foes/Pokemon" would've also been good.

Earthquake still dents Zamazenta-Crowned and Excadrill without lowering Rayquaza's stats, (AC) and also provides coverage against Tyranitar, (AC) Tapu-Koko (RH), and Heatran.

The comma before "and" here is unnecessary, because the second sentence is dependent by the main clause and cannot stand on its own (try reading it on its own and you will realize that it has no subject). In this regard, the GP process guide helps a lot:

fleur's notes about coordinating conjunctions

• Coordinating conjunctions (FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) should not be preceded by a comma when the clause that comes after is dependent (i.e. the clause cannot stand alone as a sentence).
  • In the same vein, when the two clauses being connected are independent, a comma must be placed before the coordinating conjunction.
  • e.g. Kingdra is a great fit on Water teams and works well on Dragon teams too (correct). / Kingdra is a great fit on Water teams, and it works well on Dragon teams too (second clause is now independent; needs comma after).

Removing "also" was unnecessary as well, as by doing so you're not rly improving flow or the overall quality of the analysis.

Scale Shot is another option which turns Rayquaza into a potential late-game (AH) cleaner thanks to its Speed boost by boosting its speed and it gives it a chance to break Lunala, (AC) but it suffers from inconsistent damage;, (Remove semicolon) (AC) Outrage is an option for burst damage against bulkier threats like Giratina and Zekrom, (AC) but locking Rayquaza into it for 2 to 3 turns Two or Three turns is a steep penalty if any Fairy-types (AH) remain on the opposing side.

• The word "that" and "which" have specific uses and should only be used accordingly. Once again, refer to fleur's notes:

fleur's notes about that vs. which

The two words "that" and "which" are not interchangeable: "that" should only be used in a restrictive sense, while "which" should only be used in a non-restrictive sense. More simply, this means that if the sentence's meaning doesn't change with the inclusion of the that/which clause, "which" should be used. If it does, "that" should be used.

• e.g. Pokemon that are weak to Stealth Rock, such as Kyurem-B, appreciate having spinblockers on their team. vs Ice-types, which traditionally have been neglected on defensive teams, have become more popular on stall.
  • In the first sentence, "that" specifies a specific set of Pokemon—those that are weak to Stealth Rock. This attribute is not true for all Pokemon, so the sentence's meaning changes with the inclusion of the clause, necessitating the use of "that" and not "which".
  • Conversely, in the second sentence, the assumption that is made is that all Ice-types have been neglected on defensive teams, so the sentence's meaning doesn't change without the clause. "Which" is thus the word to go for here.

• "Speed", like any other stat, should always be capitalized.
• "[...] it gives it a chance [...]" -> the first "it" here is unnecessary as the coordinating conjunction without a comma makes sure that the subject should not be reiterated; the only possible change here would've been the comma before "and".
• Not sure why you removed the semicolon. There is a clear difference in content between the first sentence, which explains what Scale Shot does, and the next one, which focuses on a totally different move. Something like this is somewhat hard to explain, but essentially you have to make sure that punctuation is used according to grammar rules. A semicolon here would've been fine, but I would've opted for a period, as semicolons still link two independent clauses that share common themes. Comma is definitely incorrect though, so please be careful with that. Once again, fleur's notes should help you clarify some doubts regarding punctuation, so I highly recommend taking a look if you haven't already.
• Not sure why you capitalized Two and Three, those are just numbers, so there's no need to do that.

 

[Kinetic]

Talonflame

Utility Talonflame fits on Balance and Bulky Offense balance and bulky offense teams that appreciate it spreading burns and punishing opposing pivots, namely Slither Wing and Scizor. It can form a potent Volt-turn VoltTurn core with teammates like Sandy Shocks and Slither Wing to pressure opposing teams. Talonflame cannot safely switchin switch in against several dangerous physical attackers like Tyranitar and Gyarados, making bulky teammates like Hippowdon and Wo-(AH)Chien desirable. Talonflame struggles against powerful Electric-Types types like Sandy Shocks and Kilowattrel, making Gastrodon and Hippowdon good teammates. Tsareena is a valuable teammate which that provides hazard removal, letting Talonflame drop Defog for other utility moves, and checks the bulky Water-Types types that Talonflame hates.

Torterra

Torterra'(AA)s niche largely comes from it's good coverage, access to Rock Polish and solid natural bulk making it a functional sweeper in the lategame late-game sweeper that can be difficult to take down without super-(RH)effective coverage. Torterra can also support its team as a wallbreaker in matchups where sweeping is unlikely which gives it some flexibility. Unfortunately, Torterra's low speed Speed makes it incredibly reliant on obtaining a Rock Polish boost to not be immediately threatened by the myriad of Pokemon who are faster than it, such as Aerodactyl, Sigilyph, Sneasel and Delphox. Additionally, despite Torterra'(AA)s great coverage, it struggles greatly with Pokemon like Weezing and Dhelmise who are to too bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance. Torterra is also marred by a neutrality to Water and a severe weakness to Scald which maekes makes it less splashable given the opportunity cost of using it over other, more consistent Grass Types consistent than other Grass-types like Whimsicott and Sceptile.

 

[LovelyLuna]

I tried. <3

Torterra

Torterra's (AA) niche largely comes from it's (RA) good coverage, access to Rock Polish, (AC) and solid natural bulk making it a functional sweeper in the late-game (AH) that can be difficult to take down without super-effective (RH, add space) coverage. Torterra can also support its team as a breaker in matchups where sweeping is unlikely which gives it some giving it flexibility. Unfortunately, Torterra's low speed makes it incredibly reliant on obtaining a Rock Polish boost (Unnecessary fluff?) to not be immediately threatened by the myriad of Pokemon who which are faster than it, such as Aerodactyl, Sigilyph, Sneasel, (AC) and Delphox. Additionally, despite Torterra's (AA) great coverage, it struggles greatly with Pokemon like Weezing and Dhelmise who are too bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance. Torterra is also marred by a neutrality to Water and a severe weakness to Scald which maekes it less splashable given the opportunity cost of using it over other, more consistent Grass T-types (AH, remove space) like Whimsicott and Sceptile.

Slowbro

Scald is a reliable STAB move that possesses a chance to make Slowbro even more difficult to take down with physical attacks burn (Fluff) and threatens Fire- (AH), Rock- (AH), and Ground-types like Delphox, Rhydon, Steelix, (AC) and Palossand. Scald becomes Hydro Vortex when used alongside Waterium-Z (RH, add space) and enables Slowbro to break past even Grasses-types like Sceptile and Whimsicott, (AC) as well as opposing Slowbros, (AC) with the help of Calm Mind. Block is the crux of the set and lets Slowbro trap passive Pokemon like Audino-Mega, Ferroseed, and Miltank, (AC) as well as bulky Waters like Vaporeon, Blastoise, and defensive Slowbro. Calm Mind allows Slowbro to better take on Special Attackers like Diancie, Comfey, (AC) and Whimsicott. Rest restores all of Slowbro's hp and clears it of any is utilized as recovery and as a way to handle (Worded as dex info) status from Pokemon like Xatu, Vaporeon, and Seismitoad, making it Slowbro difficult to wear down once it gets multiple boosts from Calm Mind (Obvious with previous sentences). Additionally, (AC) it Rest (Unsure if it's even Rest, 'It' is poorly used here) lets Slowbro reliably trap and eliminate Pokemon such as Audino-Mega, Vaporeon, and Miltank, which rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Waters and enables Slowbro to can pp-stall Water immunities Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoed, (AC) as they rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Water-types. (This was hard to read and the two sentences didn't connect well with and, mentioning Vaporeon twice was awkward as well.)

 

[Milak]

Torterra feedback

Torterra's (AA) niche largely comes from it's (RA) good coverage, access to Rock Polish, (AC) and solid natural bulk making it a functional sweeper in the late-game (AH)

- a comma before "making" would be better, because otherwise it's implied that only the bulk makes it a sweeper
- early-, mid-, and late-game are treated as adjectives or adverbs, not nouns; therefore, they cannot be preceded by the article. Just say "late-game sweeper"

super-effective (RH, add space)

this is good, very clear

Torterra can also support its team as a breaker in matchups where sweeping is unlikely which gives it some giving it flexibility.

- the term "breaker" is not used, as it doesn't mean anything. In this case, wallbreaker is the correct option.
- the second change is okay I guess? Definitely not necessary though, the only thing worth correcting was the comma before "which".

Unfortunately, Torterra's low speed makes it incredibly reliant on obtaining a Rock Polish boost (Unnecessary fluff?) to not be immediately threatened by the myriad of Pokemon who which are faster than it

- Stats are always capitalized. Speed, not speed.
- watch out for the use of that / which, I'll directly quote the notes from the GP guide, which are more than clear:

That vs. Which

The two words "that" and "which" are not interchangeable: "that" should only be used in a restrictive sense, while "which" should only be used in a non-restrictive sense. More simply, this means that if the sentence's meaning doesn't change with the inclusion of the that/which clause, "which" should be used. If it does, "that" should be used.

• e.g. Pokemon that are weak to Stealth Rock, such as Kyurem-B, appreciate having spinblockers on their team. vs Ice-types, which traditionally have been neglected on defensive teams, have become more popular on stall.
  • In the first sentence, "that" specifies a specific set of Pokemon—those that are weak to Stealth Rock. This attribute is not true for all Pokemon, so the sentence's meaning changes with the inclusion of the clause, necessitating the use of "that" and not "which".
  • Conversely, in the second sentence, the assumption that is made is that all Ice-types have been neglected on defensive teams, so the sentence's meaning doesn't change without the clause. "Which" is thus the word to go for here.

it struggles greatly with Pokemon like Weezing and Dhelmise who are too bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance.

Remember that we never use the pronoun "who" to refer to Pokemon, I assume you know this already bc you changed it in the previous sentence, but always make sure to reread everything

Torterra is also marred by a neutrality to Water and a severe weakness to Scald which maekes it less splashable given the opportunity cost of using it over other, more consistent Grass T-types (AH, remove space) like Whimsicott and Sceptile.

- again, the comma before "which" is necessary here for the reasons explained above
- splashable is often improperly used to refer to Pokemon that fit on many playstyles, I'd stick to more ideal adjectives like "flexible" and "versatile".

Slowbro feedback

Scald is a reliable STAB move that possesses a chance to make Slowbro even more difficult to take down with physical attacks burn (Fluff)

yeah this is very subjective, I'd personally opt for a less obvious sentence and rephrase to emphasize the fact that Slowbro is harder to deal with for physical attackers if they get burned, but then again it's pretty obvious so stuff like this is always a bit hard to treat

Scald becomes Hydro Vortex when used alongside Waterium-Z (RH, add space) and enables Slowbro to break past even Grasses-types like Sceptile and Whimsicott, (AC) as well as opposing Slowbros, (AC) with the help of Calm Mind.

- The initial part is just dex info, you can just cut everything and say "Hydro Vortex enables Slowbro to do x, y, and z"
- the last part can be a bit vague bc the reader might be confused as to which target needs Calm Mind to be taken care of, but idk the calcs honestly so this is just hard to tell now, but for the future always make sure stuff like this is explained clearly, and if it isn't leave a note to the writer

Block is the crux of the set and lets Slowbro trap passive Pokemon like Audino-Mega, Ferroseed, and Miltank, (AC) as well as bulky Waters like Vaporeon, Blastoise, and defensive Slowbro.

first part's good
Audino-Mega Mega Audino
Waters Water-types

Calm Mind allows Slowbro to better take on Special Attackers like Diancie, Comfey, (AC) and Whimsicott.

Special Attackers special attackers

Rest restores all of Slowbro's hp and clears it of any is utilized as recovery and as a way to handle (Worded as dex info) status from Pokemon like Xatu, Vaporeon, and Seismitoad, making it Slowbro difficult to wear down once it gets multiple boosts from Calm Mind (Obvious with previous sentences).

agree w this, would prob remove the recovery bit and just focus on the status protection, since it's the main purpose of the move

Additionally, (AC) it Rest (Unsure if it's even Rest, 'It' is poorly used here) lets Slowbro reliably trap and eliminate Pokemon such as Audino-Mega, Vaporeon, and Miltank, which rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Waters and enables Slowbro to can pp-stall Water immunities Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoed, (AC) as they rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Water-types.

"... trap and eliminate Pokemon that rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Water-types like Mega Audino, Vaporeon, and Miltank, which Slowbro can PP stall (PP is capitalized and there is no hyphen)

 

[LovelyLuna]

Tysm, really appreciate the feedback! Reattempts

Talonflame

Utility Talonflame fits on balance and bulky offense teams that appreciate it spreading burns, (AC) and punishing opposing pivots (Assuming they meant this isn't independent from burns, based on the word punished), namely Slither Wing and Scizor. It can form a potent Volt-turn (RH, add space) core with teammates like Sandy Shocks and Slither Wing to pressure opposing teams. Talonflame cannot safely switch in (add space) against several dangerous physical attackers like Tyranitar and Gyarados, making bulky teammates like such as (Repetition) Hippowdon and Wo-Chien (AH, remove space) desirable. Talonflame struggles against powerful Electric-types like Sandy Shocks and Kilowattrel, making Gastrodon and Hippowdon good teammates. Tsareena is a valuable teammate which that provides hazard removal, letting Talonflame drop Defog for other utility moves (Such as?),. (RC, AP) and Tsareena also (Sentence would become hard to understand/misleading after moves are mentioned) checks the bulky Water-types that Talonflame hates.

Frosmoth

Quiver Dance + and Terastallization make Frosmoth one of NeverUsed NU's deadliest sweepers. Despite its mediocre coverage, it Frosmoth can use Tera Ground alongside Tera Blast to beat Steel-types like Copperrajah and Perrserker, as well as Muk. In addition Additionally, Tera Ground gives Frosmoth a Rock resistance, (AC) so Lycanroc's Accelerock can't cannot revenge-kill (RH, add space) Frosmoth. Alternatively, Frosmoth can drop Giga Drain and run Substitute with Tera Ghost to 1v1 Chansey and abuse exploit Choice Scarf Passimian and Medicham that lock into Close Combat. Another option is Tera Fairy, blocking Eelektross' Dragon Tail and still helping against Choice Scarf Passimian as well as Mabbosstiff. Because special walls like Assault Vest Eelektross, Chansey, or Ursaring and Assault Vest Eelektross (If you only referred to Eelektross with Assault Vest) are difficult for Frosmoth to 1v1 beat one-on-one depending on its Tera type, and others like Copperajah, AV Assault Vest ('as well as' before this would be better if you are referring to Assault Vest Muk) Perrserker, and Muk aren't 1OHKOed by +1 Ground Tera Blast Ground, pair Frosmoth with special wallbreakers, (AC) such as Zoroark, Abomasnow, (AC) and Pyroar, (AC) to soften up these checks. Also, Frosmoth is quite vulnerable to common Scarfers Choice Scarf users like Passimian, Mabosstiff, and Medicham even at +1 Speed without the proper Tera type, making defensive switch-ins (AH) to them such as Qwilfish, Dachsbun, and Drifblim good to have.

 

[PastaMechKaku]

i thought I could practice here before doing amechecks for other peoples' analyses

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Rayquaza

Choice Band Rayquaza is one of the strongest wallbreakers in the tier thanks to its high Attack and high base power Base Power moves. Dragon Ascent is Rayquaza's main stab STAB of choice, 2HKO'ing prominent Defensive defensive walls such as Clefable and Slowking. V-Create V-create lets Rayquaza overpower Pokemon who resist Dragon Ascent such as Necrozma-Dusk-Mane Necrozma-DM, Corviknight, Skarmory, and Zamazenta-Crowned Zamazenta-C. ExtremeSpeed Extreme Speed allows Rayquaza to finish off chipped Pokemon like Weavile, Tapu Koko, and Raichu-Alolan. Earthquake still dents Zamazenta-Crowned and Excadrill without lowering Rayquaza's stats and also provides coverage against Tyranitar Tapu-Koko, and Heatran. However, EQ is significantly weaker and fails to 2HKO physical defensive Necrozma-Dusk-Mane (rephrased sentence for clarity) Earthquake is an alternative that also hits opposing Steel types and threatens Pokemon such as Tyranitar, Tapu-Koko, and Heatran, but fails to 2HKO physically defensive Necrozma-DM unlike V-create. Scale Shot is another option which turns Rayquaza into a potential lategame cleaner thanks to its Speed boost and it , giving it a chance to break through Lunala, but it suffers from inconsistent damage; . (separated the two sentences) Outrage is an option for burst damage against bulkier threats like Giratina and Zekrom, but locking Rayquaza into it for 2 to 3 turns is a steep penalty if any Fairy types remain on the opposing side but is heavily punished by opposing Fairy types.

 

[Sulo]

PastaMechKaku

Rayquaza feedback

Choice Band Rayquaza is one of the strongest wallbreakers in the tier thanks to its high Attack and high base power Base Power this should be "high-Base Power", as it is used before the noun "moves" and is therefore attributive. moves. Dragon Ascent is Rayquaza's main stab STAB STAB is an adjective, not a noun, meaning it cannot be used on its own. it needs something else attached to it (e.g. STAB moves, STAB combination, etc) of choice, 2HKO'ing XHKO verbs / nouns do not need apostrophes prominent Defensive defensive walls such as Clefable and Slowking. V-Create V-create lets Rayquaza overpower Pokemon who resist Dragon Ascent such as Necrozma-Dusk-Mane Necrozma-DM, Corviknight, Skarmory, and Zamazenta-Crowned Zamazenta-C. ExtremeSpeed Extreme Speed allows Rayquaza to finish off chipped Pokemon like Weavile, Tapu Koko, and Raichu-Alolan. this should be "Alolan Raichu"; regional formes are consistently spelled out without the hyphen Earthquake still dents Zamazenta-Crowned and Excadrill without lowering Rayquaza's stats and also provides coverage against Tyranitar Tapu-Koko, and Heatran. However, EQ is significantly weaker and fails to 2HKO physical defensive Necrozma-Dusk-Mane (rephrased sentence for clarity) Earthquake is an alternative that also hits opposing Steel types and threatens Pokemon such as Tyranitar, Tapu-Koko, and Heatran, but fails to 2HKO physically defensive Necrozma-DM unlike V-create. few things here: you introduced errors in the process of rephrasing, most notably the lack of a hyphen between Steel-types (X-type nouns need hyphens) and the addition of a hyphen in Tapu Koko; be sure to check the standards to avoid mistakes like that! the second clause here is also incorrect; since there's a comma before the conjunction "but", there needs to be a subject following said conjunction. this does not apply if there is no comma before the conjunction. Scale Shot is another option which be careful with stray "that vs. which" clauses; "that" is restrictive, while "which" is non-restrictive. you can find more detailed info on this here in the "Diction" section, since i'm not very good at explaining lol turns Rayquaza into a potential lategame "late-game" should be hyphenated, as with other game states (e.g. "early-game, mid-game") cleaner thanks to its Speed boost and it , giving it a chance to break through Lunala, but it suffers from inconsistent damage; . (separated the two sentences) i think these last few changes were good! Outrage is an option for burst damage against bulkier threats like Giratina and Zekrom, but locking Rayquaza into it for 2 to 3 turns is a steep penalty if any Fairy types remain on the opposing side but is heavily punished by opposing Fairy types. missing subject after "but" conjunction, missing hyphen between "Fairy-types"

overall, i'd be more careful about objective errors and certain concision changes (notably the "subject after conjunction" rule i touched on a bit here); if you're struggling with those, it'd help to have resources like the spelling and grammar standards open in another tab while doing these. you did get certain ones like V-Create -> V-create and forme names, which is 100% good; keep it up!

If anything is unclear (which is bound to be the case because I feel like I rambled a little here), feel free to message me in the GP Discord server if you're in that already. If you're not in it, I'd recommend joining so it's easier for us to reach you and help you learn.

 

[veti]

torterra

hopefully this is good

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Torterra's (AA) niche largely comes from it's (RA) good coverage, access to Rock Polish, (AC) and solid natural bulk, (AC) making it a functional sweeper in the late-game (AH) that can be difficult to take down without super-effective (RH) coverage. Torterra can also support its team as a wallbreaker in matchups where sweeping is unlikely which gives it some flexibility. Unfortunately, Torterra's low sSpeed makes it incredibly reliant on obtaining a Rock Polish boost to not be immediately threatened by the myriad of Pokemon whothat are faster than it, such as Aerodactyl, Sigilyph, Sneasel, (AC) and Delphox. Additionally, despite Torterra's (AA) great coverage, it struggles greatly with Pokemon like Weezing and Dhelmise whothat are too bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance. Torterra is also marred by a neutrality to Water and a severe weakness to Scald which makesmaekes it less splashableharder to fit on teams given the opportunity cost of using it over other, more consistent Grass Types like Whimsicott and Sceptile.

 

[Sulo]

veti

Torterra feedback

hopefully this is good

add remove

Torterra's (AA) niche largely comes from it's (RA) good coverage, access to Rock Polish, (AC) and solid natural bulk, (AC) making it a functional sweeper in the late-game (AH) that can be difficult to take down without super-effective (RH) coverage. good set of changes here, although late-game (and other game states like early-game and mid-game) is not a noun, so it can't be referred to as "the late-game"; this can be reworded to "making it a functional late-game sweeper" so that it's correctly used as an adjective. Torterra can also support its team as a wallbreaker in matchups where sweeping is unlikely which a comma is needed before "which" here; good on you for changing breaker -> wallbreaker though! gives it some flexibility. Unfortunately, Torterra's low sSpeed makes it incredibly reliant on obtaining a Rock Polish boost to not be immediately threatened by the myriad of Pokemon whothat are faster than it, such as Aerodactyl, Sigilyph, Sneasel, (AC) and Delphox. also a good set of changes! Additionally, despite Torterra's (AA) great coverage, it struggles greatly with Pokemon like Weezing and Dhelmise whothat are too bulky to overwhelm without Swords Dance. good changes! maybe could've replaced the "greatly" here to avoid the iffy repetition with "great coverage", but that's subjective Torterra is also marred by a neutrality to Water and a severe weakness to Scald which makesmaekes it less splashableharder to fit on teams comma needed before "which" here; the second prose change here was good! given the opportunity cost of using it over other, more consistent Grass Types should be Grass-types, not Grass Types; same goes for every other x-type noun like Whimsicott and Sceptile.

You showed a pretty good understanding of objective errors and how to fix them here; let me know if anything I said here was confusing or unclear!

 

[veti]

slowbro

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Scald is a reliable STAB move that possesses a chance to make Slowbro even more difficult to take down with physical attacks and threatens Fire, Rock, and Ground-types like Delphox, Rhydon, Steelix, (AC) and Palossand. Scald becomes Hydro Vortex when used alongside Waterium-Z and enables Slowbro to break past even GrassesGrass-types like Sceptile and Whimsicott as well as opposing SlowbroSlowbros with the help of Calm Mind. Block is the crux of the set and lets Slowbro trap passive Pokemon like Mega AudinoAudino-Mega, Ferroseed, and Miltank as well as bulky WatersWater-types like Vaporeon, Blastoise, and Defensive Slowbro. Calm Mind allows Slowbro to better take on Special Attackers like Diancie, Comfey, (AC) and Whimsicott. Rest restores all of Slowbro's hpHP and clears it of any status from Pokemon like Xatu, Vaporeon, and Seismitoad, making it difficult to wear down once it gets multiple boosts from Calm Mind. Additionally, (AC) it lets Slowbro reliably trap and eliminate Pokemon such as Audino-MegaMega Audino, Vaporeon, and Miltank, which rely on Toxic to defeat bulky WatersWater-types and enables Slowbro to pp-stallPP stall Water immunitiesimmune Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoed.

 

[Evie]

Rayquaza

Choice Band Rayquaza is one of the strongest wallbreakers in the tier thanks to its high Attack stat and high base power Base Power moves. Dragon Ascent is Rayquaza's main stab STAB move of choice, 2HKO'ing (RA) prominent Defensive defensive walls such as Clefable and Slowking. V-Create lets Rayquaza overpower Pokemon who that resist Dragon Ascent such as Necrozma-Dusk-Mane Necrozma-DM, Corviknight, Skarmory, and Zamazenta-Crowned. ExtremeSpeed Extreme Speed allows Rayquaza to finish off chipped Pokemon like Weavile, Tapu Koko, and Raichu-Alolan Alolan Raichu. Earthquake still dents Zamazenta-Crowned and Excadrill without lowering Rayquaza's stats, and while also provides providing coverage against Tyranitar, (AC) Tapu-Koko Tapu Koko, and Heatran. However, EQ Earthquake is significantly weaker and fails to 2HKO physical physically defensive Necrozma-Dusk-Mane Necrozma-DM. Scale Shot is another option which turns Rayquaza into a potential late-game (AH) cleaner thanks to its Scale Shot's Speed boost and it gives while also giving it a chance to break Lunala, but it suffers at the cost of suffering from inconsistent damage;. make the semicolon a period Outrage is an option for burst damage against bulkier threats like Giratina and Zekrom but ;however, locking Rayquaza into it for 2 to 3 turns is a steep penalty if any Fairy types remain on the opposing side.

 

[SolarBeam]

You both did a good job! Put feedback in (orange).
veti

veti- slowbro

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Scald is a reliable STAB move that possesses a chance to make Slowbro even more difficult to take down with physical attacks (subjective, but this is overly wordy and you can cut it down) and threatens Fire, Rock, and Ground-types (since this list is shortening x-types, you need hyphens after each element- Fire-, Rock-, and Ground-types) like Delphox, Rhydon, Steelix, (AC) and Palossand. Scald becomes Hydro Vortex when used alongside Waterium-Z (this is dex info and can be cut- be on the lookout for stuff that exclusively describes what something does, not what it helps accomplish) and enables Slowbro to break past even GrassesGrass-types like Sceptile and Whimsicott as well as opposing SlowbroSlowbros with the help of Calm Mind. Block is the crux of the set and lets Slowbro trap passive Pokemon like Mega AudinoAudino-Mega, Ferroseed, and Miltank as well as bulky WatersWater-types like Vaporeon, Blastoise, and Defensive Slowbro (set names/descriptors are lowercase- should be "defensive Slowbro"). Calm Mind allows Slowbro to better take on Special Attackers (only the stat name itself is capitalized, "special attackers" and similar phrases like "specially bulky" and "physically defensive" are lowercase) like Diancie, Comfey, (AC) and Whimsicott. Rest restores all of Slowbro's hpHP and clears it of any status from Pokemon like Xatu, Vaporeon, and Seismitoad, making it difficult to wear down once it gets multiple boosts from Calm Mind. Additionally, (AC) it lets Slowbro reliably trap and eliminate Pokemon such as Audino-MegaMega Audino, Vaporeon, and Miltank, which (i would use "that" over ", which" here- the category is a nonspecific "Pokemon", so "relying on Toxic" is essential info to understand what the examples have in common) rely on Toxic to defeat bulky WatersWater-types (the "which" is describing only the examples, so should be a comma to close it off if you use it) and enables Slowbro to pp-stallPP stall Water immunitiesimmune (good fix, but needs a hyphen- "Water-immune") Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoed (misspelled).

Evie

Evie- rayquaza

Choice Band Rayquaza is one of the strongest wallbreakers in the tier thanks to its high Attack stat (fine but unnecessary. also high is repeated after and is more essential there so may be better to replace with a synonym) and high base power Base Power (good fix, but should also be "high-Base Power" bc it's a single attributive adjective immediately before a noun) moves. Dragon Ascent is Rayquaza's main stab STAB move of choice ("main" is redundant with "of choice"), 2HKO'ing (RA) prominent Defensive defensive walls such as Clefable and Slowking. V-Create (should be "V-create") lets Rayquaza overpower Pokemon who that resist Dragon Ascent such as Necrozma-Dusk-Mane Necrozma-DM, Corviknight, Skarmory, and Zamazenta-Crowned. ExtremeSpeed Extreme Speed allows Rayquaza to finish off chipped Pokemon like Weavile, Tapu Koko, and Raichu-Alolan Alolan Raichu. Earthquake still dents Zamazenta-Crowned and Excadrill without lowering Rayquaza's stats, and while (good instinct, but this is a while that indicates 2 things being done simultaneously, so shouldn't be a comma before it. it has a comma when it's a comparative while, used like "on the other hand") also provides providing coverage against Tyranitar, (AC) Tapu-Koko Tapu Koko, and Heatran. However, EQ Earthquake is significantly weaker (unclear what this is being compared to, specify V-create) and fails to 2HKO physical physically defensive Necrozma-Dusk-Mane Necrozma-DM. Scale Shot is another option which (be careful whenever you see which/that- should be "that" here. which is used with nonessential clauses and always has a comma before it, that is used with essential clauses to meaning and generally doesn't) turns Rayquaza into a potential late-game (AH) cleaner thanks to its Scale Shot's ("its" was fine here, subject was pretty clear) Speed boost and it gives while also giving it a chance to break Lunala, but it suffers at the cost of suffering from inconsistent damage;. make the semicolon a period (semicolon here was fine) Outrage is an option for burst damage against bulkier threats like Giratina and Zekrom but ;however, ("but" here was fine, just needed a comma before it bc it's joining two independent clauses) locking Rayquaza into it for 2 to 3 turns ("2 to 3 turns" is dex info and can be cut- be on the lookout for stuff that exclusively describes what something does, not what it helps accomplish) is a steep penalty if any Fairy types (should be "Fairy-types") remain on the opposing side.

 

[PastaMechKaku]

Add Remove Comment

Slowbro

Scald is a reliable STAB move that possesses a chance to make Slowbro even more difficult to take down with physical attacks thanks to its good Base Power and chance to cause burns (adjusted phrasing to better highlight Scald's qualities as a STAB move) and threatens Fire, Rock, and Ground-types like Delphox, Rhydon, Steelix and Palossand allowing it to threaten Pokemon like Delphox, Rhydon, Palossand and Steelix .Scald becomes Hydro Vortex when used alongside Waterium-Z and enables Slowbro to break past even Grasses like Sceptile and Whimsicott as well as opposing Slowbros with the help of Calm Mind. ,and when used alongside Waterium Z, allows Slowbro to break through frailer Grass Pokemon such as Sceptile and Whimsicott. (joined the two sentences
since going over Scald becoming Hydro Vortex does not require a new sentence. Also highlighted the types of Grass Pokemon that Slowbro could break though with its Z-move) Block is the crux of the set and lets Slowbro trap passive Pokemon like Audino-Mega Mega Audino, Ferroseed, and Miltank as well as bulky Waters Water-types like Vaporeon, Blastoise, and Defensive defensive Slowbro. Calm Mind allows Slowbro to better take on Special Attackers like Diancie, Comfey and Whimsicott. Calm Mind boosts Slowbro’s Special Attack and Special Defense allowing it to take on special attackers like Diancie and Whimsicott as well as threaten opposing Slowbro with a boosted Hydro Vortex. (adjusted sentence structure to better describe Calm Mind's utility and moved the section about breaking through opposing Slowbro here) Rest restores all of Slowbro's hp and clears it of any status from Pokemon like Xatu, Vaporeon, and Seismitoad, gives Slowbro a form of recovery and a way to remove status making it difficult to wear down stop once it gets after multiple boosts from Calm Mind. (placing more emphasis on Calm Mind's ability to force progress in tandem with Rest) Additionally it lets Slowbro reliably trap and eliminate Pokemon such as Audino-Mega, Vaporeon, and Miltank, which rely on Toxic to defeat bulky Waters and enables Slowbro to pp-stall Water immunities Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoed. Pokemon that rely on Toxic to threaten bulky Water-types and lets Slowbro stall out Pokemon like Vaporeon and Seismitoad who are otherwise immune to Scald due to Water Absorb (adjusted phrasing about how Slowbro beats passive/Water Absorb Pokemon with Rest)

Also a question for future reference. Are the terms 'pp stall' and 'bulky Water' acceptable for analyses cause I wasn't sure about whether I should change them or not.

 

[SolarBeam]

Going to put feedback individually instead of over the check, otherwise I think it would get a little hard to follow with the colors.
PastaMechKaku

Slowbro

• in general, you're going way too hard on the rephrasing. the primary goal of GP checking is to correct errors and improve readability while maintaining the original author's voice as much as possible. you're going against that if you rephrase an entire sentence when you see one or two errors present in it. try to use a much lighter touch, make fixes as minimal as you can instead of blowing up whole sentences/clauses
• i agree with the idea to change the scald sentence/cut it down because it's a little too dex info-ey, but you got rid of the information the author was trying to convey, which is never OK. that's QC's job. just removing the "possesses a chance" would have been fine
• should be "chance to burn" anyway, burn is a singular status condition like poison/sleep, shouldn't be plural, and you can also just use it as a verb
• in the same vein, you should have kept the Fire, Rock, and Ground-types part because it's relevant- the intended fix there was adding hyphens to make it "Fire-, Rock-, and Ground-types". you just sidestepped it
• getting rid of the hydro vortex dex info is the right instinct, but again, you changed the information being conveyed (adding "frailer" instead of just Grass-types in general and moving the opposing Slowbro part)
• should be "Grass-types" or "bulky Water-types", not just "Grass Pokemon" or "bulky Waters" as per your question
• "crux of the set" is a specifically banned filler phrase. follow the standards page closely
• for calm mind, you actively added dex info- try to avoid explanations of what a move (or anything else) does as opposed to what it's meant to accomplish. talking about how calm mind boosts special attack/defense is exactly that, it's assumed people know what it does. also again- why did you remove comfey entirely?
• again- why remove the examples from the rest sentence?
• you also should have kept the comma before "making"
• rephrasing "wear down" and "once it gets" were unnecessary- this is what's called a lateral change, where you're just changing the phrasing without an objective reason to do so. don't do this. try to have an objective justification behind every change you make
• should be a comma after additionally
• again again- why remove the examples from the toxic sentence?
• never use "who" to refer to pokemon. use "that" or "which" instead
• PP stall is fine as per your question