Attack on Mienshao

Status
Not open for further replies.

Gummy

...three, smiles go for miles!
Gummysaur's team:



Nirah's team:


Okay, so right off the bat I note Nirah has a Houndoom, which will harm Forretress badly. I need Foretress to set up entry hazards and spin other ones away, but I pick Forretress as my lead anyway.
Rules:

Sleep Clause Mod: Limit one foe put to sleep
Species Clause: Limit one of each Pokemon
OHKO Clause: OHKO moves are banned
Moody Clause: Moody is banned
Evasion Moves Clause: Evasion moves are banned
HP Percentage Mod: HP is reported as percentage

Battle between Gummysaur and Nirah started!

Go! Forretress!

Nirah sent out Pride (Houndoom)!
Turn 1

Houndoom has Mega Evolved into Mega Houndoom!

The opposing Pride used Fire Blast!
A critical hit! It's super effective! Forretress ate its Occa Berry!
Forretress held on thanks to Sturdy!
Forretress lost 99.7% of its health!

Forretress used Stealth Rock!
Pointed stones float in the air around the opposing team!

1% vs.
100%
...Well shoot, now my dear spinner is half-dead and I have a Mega to deal with. I at least got to set up Stealth Rock. Oh well, instead of letting Forretress go (since he's my only spinner) I'll switch out.
Turn 2

Forretress, come back!

Go! Tyranitar!
A sandstorm kicked up!

The opposing Pride used Dark Pulse!
It's not very effective... Tyranitar lost 14.0% of its health!
The sandstorm rages.

The opposing Pride is buffeted by the sandstorm!

86% vs.
98% (or something, it lost HP from the sandstorm)

I sent out Tyranitar (duh) to spam Stone Edge and kill that Houndoom. If they switch out, good, I don't have to worry about a Houndoom for a little while. (He's shiny because he can.)
Turn 3

The opposing Pride used Sunny Day!
The sunlight turned harsh!

Tyranitar used Stone Edge!
The opposing Pride avoided the attack!

The opposing Pride is hurt by its Solar Power!

86% vs.
idk%
The Sunny Day surprises me for a little bit, while it isn't too surprising. Now the darn thing has more power + STAB fire attacks + Mega power. C'mon Tyranitar, get it good. For Narnia!

Turn 4

The opposing Pride used Fire Blast!
It's not very effective... Tyranitar lost 68.7% of its health!

Tyranitar used Stone Edge!
It's super effective! The opposing Pride lost 82% of its health!

The opposing Pride fainted!
6 - 5

Nirah sent out Greed (Trevenant)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Greed!
13% vs.
100%
Hullo, Trevenant. I'm wondering what tricks this guy has up his sleeve, but I'm fairly sure Tyranitar will dislike any attack it throws at him. But because YOLO, I'm gonna keep Tyranitar in. /shot
Turn 5

Tyranitar used Ice Beam!
It's super effective! The opposing Greed lost 27% of its health!

The opposing Greed used Horn Leech!
It's super effective! Tyranitar lost 17.3% of its health!
Tyranitar had its energy drained!

Tyranitar fainted!
5-5

Go! Breloom!

100% vs.
73%
Of course, Tyranitar goes under. Breloom stares at this old tree and decides to act. Can't do much while it's awake.
Turn 6

Nirah withdrew Greed (Trevenant)!

Nirah sent out Gluttony (Blastoise)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Gluttony!

Breloom used Spore!
The opposing Gluttony fell asleep!

The opposing Gluttony restored HP using its Leftovers!
Breloom's Toxic Orb activated!
Breloom was badly poisoned!
100% vs.
idk, like 98% or something
...I don't understand why on earth they'd send out Blastoise. My best guess is that they expected me to retreat to a fire type to take care of Trevenant. Now, I have the advantage, being a grass type and all. Oh, and he's asleep. Breloom hovers over its prey, ready to strike. (If it actually had an offensive grass type move, that is)
Turn 7

Nirah withdrew Gluttony (Blastoise)!

Nirah sent out Greed (Trevenant)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Greed!

Breloom used Leech Seed!
It doesn't affect the opposing Greed...

The sunlight faded.

100% vs.
73%
Now the fun is about to get started. Breloom, my top staller, is going to annoy the heck out of this person.
Turn 8

Breloom used Spore!
But it failed!

The opposing Greed used Will-O-Wisp!
But it failed!

This turn doesn't even deserve pictures because it was so pointless.
Turn 9

Nirah withdrew Greed (Trevenant)!

Nirah sent out Lust (Mienshao)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Lust!

Breloom used Toxic!
The opposing Lust was badly poisoned!

The opposing Lust was hurt by poison!
100% vs.
92%
Hmm, a Mienshao. Nothing to see here. I've fought several of these, nothing to worry about. Little do I know, this thing might just cost me a win.
Turn 10

The opposing Lust used U-turn!
Breloom lost 24.4% of its health!

The opposing Lust went back to Nirah!

Nirah sent out Wrath (Tyrantrum)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Wrath!

Breloom used Drain Punch!
A critical hit! It's super effective! The opposing Wrath lost 77% of its health!
The opposing Wrath had its energy drained!

100% vs.
23%
Tyrantrum. Easy enough, I have Drain Punch, I'll just absorb the health U-Turn took away from me. Looks like I'll be winning this one.
Turn 11

The opposing Wrath used Ice Fang!
It's super effective! Breloom lost 75.3% of its health!
The opposing Wrath lost some of its HP!

Breloom used Drain Punch!
It's super effective! The opposing Wrath lost 2% of its health!
The opposing Wrath had its energy drained!

The opposing Wrath fainted!
5-4

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!

Nirah sent out Lust (Mienshao)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Lust!

30% vs.
90%

Tyrantrum takes a bite out of Breloom, mistaking it for a mushroom. Breloom dislikes this and punches it in the face, absorbing 1 HP as a reward, quickly and cleanly taking out Tyrantrum. I make sure Breloom hides the body. *cough* Anyway, Mienshao pops out and gets a rock into the face.

Turn 12

The opposing Lust used U-turn!
Breloom lost 23.5% of its health!

The opposing Lust went back to Nirah!

Nirah sent out Gluttony (Blastoise)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Gluttony!

Breloom used Drain Punch!
The opposing Gluttony lost 25% of its health!
The opposing Gluttony had its energy drained!

The opposing Gluttony restored HP using its Leftovers!
Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!

29% vs.
71% (sleep)
Blastoise pops out into the field. "Hey guise," it cries out in its sleep. Breloom scoffs and tosses a punch its way.
Turn 13

Breloom used Drain Punch!
The opposing Gluttony lost 27% of its health!
The opposing Gluttony had its energy drained!

The opposing Gluttony is fast asleep.

The opposing Gluttony restored HP using its Leftovers!
Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
58% vs.
47%
I realize that I've been doing my damage calculations totally incorrect and Breloom is NOT at 58% right now. Oops. Feh, I'll fix it later!
Turn 14

Breloom used Drain Punch!
The opposing Gluttony lost 27% of its health!
The opposing Gluttony had its energy drained!

The opposing Gluttony is fast asleep.

The opposing Gluttony restored HP using its Leftovers!
Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!

something% vs.
25% (or something)
Breloom is getting bored. He's dying for a new victim.

Turn 15

Breloom used Drain Punch!
A critical hit! The opposing Gluttony lost 21% of its health!
The opposing Gluttony had its energy drained!

The opposing Gluttony fainted!
5-3

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!

Nirah sent out Envy (Marowak)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Envy!
??% vs.
95%
Breloom gets so bored that he pounds Blastoise into a critical and drags out Marowak, who gets met with a facerock like Mienshao. Breloom can hardly wait to start pummeling his new victim.
Turn 16

Breloom used Toxic!
The opposing Envy was badly poisoned!

The opposing Envy used Bonemerang!
It's not very effective... Breloom lost 20.4% of its health!
It's not very effective... Breloom lost 21.6% of its health!
Hit 2 time(s)!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Envy was hurt by poison!
ugh% vs.
95% (toxic'd)
Breloom stumbles back in surprise, but only for a moment before coating Marowak in deadly poison. Breloom just loves doing this, even though he has a Jolly nature. It's just a mask. He's really sick inside, but he loves it. The opponent? Not so much. In fact, the foe usually worries about Breloom's mental health. But Breloom doesn't. He just wants to see the look of pain on that Marowak's face as it slowly is tortured by Breloom's very own poison.

Ahem, lets move on.

Turn 17

Breloom used Drain Punch!
The opposing Envy lost 35% of its health!
The opposing Envy had its energy drained!

The opposing Envy used Bonemerang!
It's not very effective... Breloom lost 18.5% of its health!
It's not very effective... Breloom lost 20.4% of its health!
Hit 2 time(s)!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Envy was hurt by poison!
what% vs.
40%
Breloom is fearing his antics are drawing to a close. I haven't been keeping track of his exact health, but seeing all these attacks he's fighting off, I don't think he can take much more. But Breloom isn't like that. He hides his pain from everyone so he can stay on the battlefield as long as possible.
Turn 18

Nirah withdrew Envy (Marowak)!

Nirah sent out Greed (Trevenant)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Greed!

Breloom used Leech Seed!
It doesn't affect the opposing Greed...

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
URGH% vs.
73%
And Trevenant returns, coming back from the corner of shame from Breloom. Breloom prepares to terrify him again.
Turn 19

Breloom used Toxic!
The opposing Greed was badly poisoned!

The opposing Greed used Horn Leech!
It's not very effective... Breloom lost 14.5% of its health!
Breloom had its energy drained!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Greed was hurt by poison!
canistop% vs.
69%
Breloom senses things are drawing to a close.
Turn 20

Breloom used Drain Punch!
It doesn't affect the opposing Greed...

The opposing Greed used Destiny Bond!
The opposing Greed is trying to take its foe down with it!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Greed was hurt by poison!
chucktesta% vs.
61%
Breloom can't do anything to Trevenant alone, since his only offensive attack is Drain Punch. Nirah goes for the Destiny Bond. I'm not gonna let Breloom die now, not when he's been so helpful. Hmm. Who should I send out, one that wont be too helpful in this fight, to take the Destiny Bond?
Turn 21

Breloom, come back!

Go! Rotom-Mow!

The opposing Greed used Horn Leech!
It's not very effective... Rotom-Mow lost 13.5% of its health!
Rotom-Mow had its energy drained!

Rotom-Mow restored HP using its Leftovers!
The opposing Greed was hurt by poison!
86% vs.
51%
Rotom-Mow goes out to take the bond of death and doom. The toxic whittles down Trevenant.
Turn 22

Nirah withdrew Greed (Trevenant)!

Nirah sent out Envy (Marowak)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Envy!

Rotom-Mow used Thunderbolt!
It doesn't affect the opposing Envy...

Rotom-Mow restored HP using its Leftovers!
The opposing Envy was hurt by poison!

86% vs.
28%
Darn it, Marowak takes my Thunderbolt and absorbs it like a boss. Forunately, ground types are no match for Rotom-Mow.
Turn 23

Rotom-Mow used Leaf Storm!
A critical hit! It's super effective! The opposing Envy lost 28.0% of its health!
Rotom-Mow's Special Attack harshly fell!

The opposing Envy fainted!
5-2

Rotom-Mow restored HP using its Leftovers!

Nirah sent out Lust (Mienshao)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Lust!
86% vs.
85%
Rotom jumps to action and starts chugging towards Mienshao. Towards death.
Turn 24

The opposing Lust used High Jump Kick!
Rotom-Mow lost 60.2% of its health!

Rotom-Mow used Volt Switch!
The opposing Lust lost 26% of its health!

Rotom-Mow went back to Gummysaur!

Go! Blissey!

The opposing Lust was hurt by poison!
100% vs.
54%
OKAY: In retrospect, this was the stupidest move in the universe. Blissey has crap defenses and is weak to Fighting. I have no idea what I was thinking here. Rotom-Mow is running fairly low on health, so I VoltSwitch him out.
Turn 25

The opposing Lust used High Jump Kick!
It's super effective! Blissey lost 100% of its health!

Blissey fainted!
4-2

The opposing Lust was hurt by poison!
You have 150 seconds to make your decision.

Go! Haxorus!
100% vs.
45%
Haxorus, do a swords dance and show who's boss. Nobody gets in the way once Haxorus does his thing.
Turn 26

The opposing Lust used High Jump Kick!
Haxorus lost 97.3% of its health!

Haxorus used Swords Dance!
Haxorus's Attack sharply rose!

The opposing Lust was hurt by poison!
3% vs.
35%
...Well crap, I should've just gone for the Dragon Tail or even Outrage. Now Haxorus is dead.
Turn 27

The opposing Lust used High Jump Kick!
Haxorus lost 2.7% of its health!

Haxorus fainted!
3-2

The opposing Lust was hurt by poison!
You have 150 seconds to make your decision.

Go! Rotom-Mow!
26% vs.
20%
Toxic is whittling down Mienshao, but I'm worried I wont be able to stall it out long enough. Things aren't looking good. Haxorus, Blissey, and Tyranitar are down. All I have is an injured Rotom and Breloom and a half-dead Forretress on my side.
Turn 28

The opposing Lust used High Jump Kick!
Rotom-Mow lost 39.8% of its health!

Rotom-Mow fainted!
2-2

The opposing Lust was hurt by poison!

The opposing Lust fainted!
2-1

Go! Breloom!

Nirah sent out Greed (Trevenant)!
Pointed stones dug into the opposing Greed!
THISAGAIN% vs.
48%
Toxic thankfully takes out Mienshao. Trevenant comes out to face weak Breloom.
Turn 29

Breloom used Toxic!
The opposing Greed was badly poisoned!

The opposing Greed used Destiny Bond!
The opposing Greed is trying to take its foe down with it!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Greed was hurt by poison!

% vs.
40%
Breloom finally gets to land a poison on Trevenant. However, Breloom can't do anything to Trevenant offensively, so I'll just stall until it dies.
Turn 30

Breloom used Drain Punch!
It doesn't affect the opposing Greed...

The opposing Greed used Horn Leech!
It's not very effective... Breloom lost 14.5% of its health!
Breloom had its energy drained!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Greed was hurt by poison!
whut% vs.
35%
Destiny Bond. Suddenly, my mind flies back to the very beginning of the battle, where I switched out Forretress instead of letting him die. That means...
Turn 31

Breloom used Drain Punch!
It doesn't affect the opposing Greed...

The opposing Greed used Destiny Bond!
The opposing Greed is trying to take its foe down with it!

Breloom restored HP using its Poison Heal!
The opposing Greed was hurt by poison!

The opposing Greed fainted!

Gummysaur won the battle!

Nirah: gg
Gummysaur: gg

That was close! I won with a Forretress at 1 HP to spare! gg Nirah, that Mienshao got me off balance.

Props:
- Me, for sparing Forretress' life
- Nirah, for bringing me down to near-death with a Mienshao
- Breloom, for stalling for a million years

Slops:
-Me, for letting Blissey and Haxorus go so easily
-Me, for using Swords Dance on Haxorus instead of going straight for the offensive
-Nirah, for sending a Blastoise out on Breloom
 
Last edited:
I apologize if I sound rude, but this was not a good warstory. Both you and your opponent were making pretty much terrible plays the entire game. For example, on Turn 8, you used Spore when you had already put someone to sleep AND not only that, you tried using it on a Grass-type, which wouldn't have worked anyways because of the new rules. This story made me cringe pretty badly.
 

Gummy

...three, smiles go for miles!
Yes, I'm sorry. This is my first my warstory and I'm not the best competitive player. (Tbh I didn't know Spore didn't work on grass types, thank you for telling me.)
 
Yes, I'm sorry. This is my first my warstory and I'm not the best competitive player. (Tbh I didn't know Spore didn't work on grass types, thank you for telling me.)
Well then don't create threads on the Warstories board.

I'm sorry, but warstories are meant to entertain and enlighten, and this does neither. We've learned nothing new here, and it's not too thrilling to see two people who aren't very good at this duke it out, especially if you can't be bothered to keep track of basic things like your pokemon's health.

I acknowledge that this takes a lot of time and effort to write, and don't want to take that away from you, but you have to consider whether it's worth writing. Then reconsider. If you still wanna do it after both rounds of thought, write it. Then read it. And see it from the perspective of a stranger. Does it entertain? Are both players evenly matched? Is the game at all hampered by severe luck or terrible plays? And, most importantly for a budding meta, does it tell us something new? Does it, like the first warstory here, show that a hyped set may have far superior alternatives? Does it introduce a so-far underused threat?

I'm glad for your enthusiasm and wish you nothing but good luck, but this just isn't what this board's about. Read the rules, practice, and improve.
 

Gummy

...three, smiles go for miles!
I'll practice more at battles before I post another warstory. Just wanted to test it out.
 
I run Mienshao as a Dragonslayer as well. People don't really expect it to OHKO Mega-Garchomp with a single HiJumpKick, but it does. Constantly.
 
On at least 95% of these war stories, there's always at least a few comments critiquing the war story as boring. I write war stories, try to think up unique strategies, and am basically here to entertain. So would someone PLEASE tell me what their definition of "exciting" is.
 
It should be a close battle, with in depth analysis on why each move was selected, and should be mostly free of luck or hax. The format needs to be pleasant to look at, informative, and legible.

That should be common sense, honestly.
 
It should be a close battle, with in depth analysis on why each move was selected, and should be mostly free of luck or hax. The format needs to be pleasant to look at, informative, and legible.

That should be common sense, honestly.
I feel some of this should be clarified when it comes to choosing a battle to warstory. While you're obviously correct on the formatting part, I feel the choice of warstory deserves a bit more explanation.

Really the key thing here is that both players should be playing at a high level and that the players are more or less evenly matched. Battles do not necessarily have to come down to the final move and be 1-0 to be exciting, but it should not be certain who is going to win from the 5th turn. It's not necessarily bad if the game ends 3-0 if it took 30+ turns of tense maneuvering to set up a final sweep.

The battle NEEDS to be a high level of play too. It needs to be clear that both people know what they're doing. No one wants to watch a super experience player smash an inexperienced player into the ground obviously, but more to the point no one really wants to hear in depth commentary coming from people who have no idea what they're talking about. For example, this particular warstory lost me right away due to the fact it was clear right off the bat that neither player had much experience (though it was clear that Gummysaur was a scratch above their opponent). I mean, that Spore/Will-o-Wisp turn might have been hilarious, but was clearly the result of inexperienced playing, and the rest of the battle plays out that way too with both players making absolutely bewildering decisions at times and using move sets that are laughably bad or outclassed. While in some places it might be fun to watch new players flounder as they struggle with the huge learning curve of competitive Pokemon, it's not the purpose of warstories. Warstories are supposed to provide snapshots of the best play Pokemon has to offer.

NOTE: I know there are parts of that last paragraph that could be perceived as insults but no offense is intended. We all have to start somewhere. I was just as bad if not worse when I started competitive Pokemon, and it takes a long time to get good enough at this to not be considered "bad" by the majority of Smogon's veterans. I'm just saying that warstories aren't the place for new players to revel in their first few victories. Also note that when I say "you" in this post I usually mean the collective "you", not the OP the person I'm replying to or anyone else in particular.

I think it's important to note that a little bit of hax is not necessarily bad, and can actually cause dramatic tension if it happens in the right spots. Hell, you'd be hard pressed to find a close game of Pokemon without any significant hax at all. However you generally want to avoid stories where luck dominated the game (assuming you're not doing a warstory about a luck based strategy of course), or where a last second lucky break decided the match. Both of these tend to leave the reader feeling cheated out of a proper ending, and too much hax can quickly make a story frustrating and boring because good play isn't being properly rewarded (or poor play is being rewarded instead).

Essentially, try to detach yourself when looking over the battle and ask yourself "would this battle have been fun to watch happen with commentary?" and "Does it teach people anything interesting about the metagame?". It needs to do at least one of those two things, because those are the purpose of warstories. Otherwise it's just another post of someone bragging about their latest victory or complaining about their latest bullshit defeat.

Oh, and just because you used a weird gimmick or creative set doesn't mean that the battle deserves a warstory. I say this because a LOT of new warstory writers seem to think that their pulling off a sweep with protean Kecleon or whatever deserves a warstory purely because they used a weird gimmick. While having a unusual strategy can help make a warstory more interesting, it only does so if the battle is already good to begin with. No one cares that you were able to win a match with Power Trick shuckle if the only reason it happened was because the other player was terrible.

It's important to remember that one of the most important aspects of writing warstories is picking good battles. It doesn't matter how good the commentary and formatting is if the battle is boring. Bottom line is, be picky with what you warstory. Especially if you don't want people complaining about it later.
 
I run Mienshao as a Dragonslayer as well. People don't really expect it to OHKO Mega-Garchomp with a single HiJumpKick, but it does. Constantly.
252+ Atk Choice Band Mienshao High Jump Kick vs. 0 HP / 0 Def Mega Garchomp: 301-355 (84.3 - 99.4%)
Even Adamant banded HJK doesn't do the job without entry hazards. SR and a layer of spikes is needed to secure the OHKO, more if you are running jolly.
 
252+ Atk Choice Band Mienshao High Jump Kick vs. 0 HP / 0 Def Mega Garchomp: 301-355 (84.3 - 99.4%)
Even Adamant banded HJK doesn't do the job without entry hazards. SR and a layer of spikes is needed to secure the OHKO, more if you are running jolly.
He might be running Reckless, in which case Adamant Band Mienshao does OHKO non-invested M-Garchomp and even has around 50% chance to do so when not running an Atk boosting nature.
 

Chou Toshio

Over9000
is an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
I don't think this thread needs to keep going. Clearly, we're not going to get any good discussion here-- and the story is just inciting flames from the peanut gallery. Try to be nice guys.

For the OP, bottom line (constructive feedback):

1) You're going to need a certain level of competency before you post another warstory. You're definitely not there yet, and it was brutally clear from the first few turns.

It's just the brutal fact that your moves/strategy/thought process are going to have to be acceptable/understandable to the general audience before you're ready to write. Lurk more, play more, and perhaps join us for a round of Tutoring in Battling 101 to build your skill. Keep your chin up-- I had multiple hall-of-fame Warstories when I was an (even more) mediocre battler. You'll get there with effort.

2) You're going to need to improve your writing. Grammar, spelling, and in-depth thought count a lot in a forum, and even more so in a warstory. You're not going to have a good story on your hands without more meat-- not 1 line comments without good reasoning.

3) You should read more good warstories to learn what should go into one. The Smog also has articles about writing good warstories. Check 'em out.

until then...



...On that day, mankind remembered... the horror, of terrible warstories...



I WILL HAVE SEX WITH THE BEES AND THE EAGLES!!
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 1, Guests: 0)

Top