OFFICIAL UUFPL POWER RANKINGS
Sponsored by L'Oréal Paris - Because You're Worth It!
We are BACK with another edition of the UUFPL Power Rankings. Eight teams have drafted eight unforgettable squadrons, but who is the best before any games have been played? (ignore the games that have already been played). To answer that question, we've hired comedian Big Fat and Mean Mantis to tell you how shit all of you really are:
Hello and welcome to the party! I am the host Big Fat and Mean Mantis. We've got a bunch of terrible teams to talk about here, probably the worst in any recent UUFPL memory. So, let's get started with the least awful and work our way down the sewers:
#1 - The Gholdengo Girls
You knew Queen of Bean and EllingtonReborn were going to be very methodical with their draft plan. And it really showed with this squad! However what you didn't know was that it was going to be methodically a bunch of garbage that just kind of works I guess. With all of the ADV RU mainers together in LpZ, Tack, QoB, and Amity (someone forgot to send Feliburn the memo), it seems like they are ready to go in tiers nobody really cares about. LpZ seems like the strongest ADV UU option in the pool so far, but in a totally new tier it's very unpredictable and he could easily go 7-0 or 1-6. Their other oldgens are not the worst, and as long as BeeOrSomething spends less time shitting one liner responses in the weekly thread and more time prepping maybe their GSC won't be so bad. Gastlies is very nice but 12k credits for someone playing RBY UU in their first team tournament in a Coinflip Tier is nuts. Danny and dex are admittedly quite strong SV options, whether they're playing standard or unlimited, but are they actually going to be motivated or will they just kinda be fuck-offing all tour? Drud seems to have been misplaced outside of DPP accidentally but this is fairly unsurprising when you realize they don't actually have many backup options for SV for any of these players, given that Trogba can't play it and Easter Bliss is slotted into DPP (I will inform them shortly they are eligible for SV Unlimited). They did draft the Ubers UU Council Leader in Leo Justice, and longtime SS enthusiast Liz Angeles, but enthusiasm doesn't translate into results, and within both of their respective pools it's very easy to see both just having a sort of average season. Lucky for the Gholdengos the SM pool this year is such hot garbage that Beraldo can probably farm it so long as he actually cares to do so. And just as most teams do, they finally looked at their ORAS slot and realized there was no plan and just slotted Fathiryxi into a stacked pool to be thrown to the wolves, respectfully. All in all, this team is pretty bad. But it can prob get more wins than the other ones so we've ranked them first in these PRs.
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#2 - Thorchic: Love and Thunder
jeza.p seemed to be very proud of their draft this year, something that strikes me as a bit odd considering half of the team was traded within the first 24 hours after the draft. Sometimes that's just how these things work though, and with all the shuffling the Thorchics have managed to put together a squad that rivals nobody special but somehow lands as #2 on these rankings. I can't deny that their players do have potential, as Lunala could be a great pickup if they are more than just a shadow of their former self (stay tuned). Lolo is playing SV in what is a significantly more competitive SV pool this year with only 16 slots - and Lolo probably doesn't recognize or has never seen play SV UU 12+ of the names there (have you?). Nikebeamz, the ultimate one-style-machine should be rolling out the predictable HO week after week, and yet will somehow pick up at least 2-3 wins due to sheer BS from it. JustFranco is the UU Circuit Champion but he's not playing SV and is in a stacked SS pool where if any of his opponents have an ounce of brainpower they can figure out his schtick here and send him to a mediocre record. And so how do the oldgens fare? Pretty bad actually - they say Tree69420 is at the top of the RBY pool but everyone was kind of shitting on him as recently as last year and it surely takes longer than that to pick up your Golem and game harder. Hydronics is in ORAS. That's pretty cool I guess. Does he play it? Who knows, we'll find out this week! Banbadoro, Ninja, and corvere round out their oldgens - three players who aren't even supposed to be on this team in the first place so I'm sure the synergy is top notch here (can't be worse than before though when players actually got forced out). Innovamania returns to the UUFPL landscape to play ADV UU, something he has done time and time again, and time and time again has not been awful but also not really been outstanding so you can expect no worst than a 2-5 record but no better than a 4-3 record - perhaps this consistency is something to be praised though. I'm not sure roxie has ever played a high level game of BW UU - and I'm not sure that's going to start now as the pool is pretty bad except for like 2 teams (gl vs Pak in Week 1). Rasche is the goat at Ubers UU though I can't even pretend to say anything bad here. For subs there aren't really any real options - Coffy can slot into SV and not much else. HydreigonTheChild can play at a reasonable level in SV and SS but you might want to mute him in the cord. And Nightingales is also there. Good luck team.
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#3 - Sheist Wars: The Empoleon Keks Back
In what is probably the most predictable roster in the history of UUFPL, the sheisters drafted all of their friends except for avarice (I think they fell asleep when he was nommed) and placed them all in tiers they don't really play in what should be a bit of a trainwreck of a season at best but that still crashes down as #3 on these rankings. We're supposed to ignore the games that already happened for these rankings but everybody knows passion already lost Week 1 and is one step closer to cancering for the second UUFPL season. Azick would be a great pick for an SV UU slot, so it's a bit unfortunate they got slated into SV Unlimited instead to ensure they get the worst matchups imaginable. Petros and Oblivion Wing are two names looking to make a name for themselves in UU - and by that what I mean is that nobody has really seen them play any SV UU. Askov is in Ubers UU for now and while that may be a bit surprising to some, it's not surprising when you realize they didn't actually draft any Ubers UU players or even any Ubers players or anything close to it. They even have a guy named Mister McLovin starting and another guy named Stupid Flanders on their team LOL like are they for real? And for as often as they shit on RBY UU collectively, they apparently think highly enough of it that they needed to draft both Unowndragon and stunner to solidify that tier (God forbid they used the extra slot for something they needed like Ubers UU). As much as they cared about that slot, they apparently gave no fucks about GSC and resorted to asking the crowd end of draft if anyone still left could play it (welcome to the team Concept Everything - hope you like building by yourself). Mncmt probably gives no fucks about this tour but somehow that might make them the most dangerous in a totally unchartered ADV tier so I'd actually be a little scared there tbh. Speaking of giving no fucks, Leni will surely play all their games by Thursday or sub out accordingly. But who will sub in from the bench? Surely not Stupid Flanders or stunner in newer gens (or Gawain as he's ineligible for SV) - guess it's gotta be sleestacks and only sleestacks as any kind of suitable CG sub. Metallica is a bit of a wild card in SM - unpredictable for sure in a weak pool so can maybe pull out some wins there. Finally Le Don is actually looking quite good in DPP, and with hariyana support will actually likely have a good season there. See not everything is bad. Best of luck to the kekkers.
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#4 - Azelf on the Shelf
Once upon a time, justdrew created an alternate universe version of UUFPL where UU mainers who don't get a chance on the big stage finally got a team tour where they could play and be recognized. Staying true to that legacy, drew this year has drafted fresh UU faces like Heysup, zioziotrip, Baddy, udongirl, ojr, and self-bought comanager DripLegend in what can only be described as the biggest about-face in recent memory. Not to worry though as it's all about the fun here - and nobody would have more fun in a fresh new ADV UU tier than Heysup would. So it's no surprise that the managers have instead slotted him in DPP where he can just use teams from 2017 instead. No doubt players like Teh will have fun though - but at the expense of whoever has to deal with them at any particular moment. The team does have pretty goated usernames, from Foufakirby to Potatochan - not sure any of these players are going to do well though considering we haven't seen them play these tiers much (or at all). Have we seen Kaif play ORAS also? I sure haven't. Mkizzy does play GSC but has never really flourished in a team tour setting with GSC UU - I can't say anything that mean though because he's a really nice guy. That's more than I can say about the rest of this squad - truthfully idk how anyone could have fun on this team. I certainly wouldn't - not with someone named Satanic Beast on my team. They are competent in at least half of their slots though - and if anyone has to sub out we've got SANKE CARP ready to sub in and send opps to the loseres bracket. All in all it's surely destined to fail eventually. Would prob be a great 1v1 PL squad though.
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#5 - Fate/Granbull Order
This team is just not good. And while none of the teams this year are very good, this one in particularly is actually pretty bad. I'm not sure why Melt Gibson thinks he's going to shock the world in SM UU this season - and yet because of how awful the SM UU pool is it's actually not out of question. He does has some Pak support at the very least - and speaking of Pak there's nobody better than him in nearly whatever pool he gets placed in this season. Medeia when actually engaging can turn around a half-decent performance in GSC at the very least, and Fc is always going to be strong in RBY UU while never letting it cause much stress. But what else do we got going here? Who is JojenReed? Is Wadley's ribbon in an unrelated tier going to translate to some success here? Does Frito even like to play Ubers UU? Is this the real starbitstorm that has returned or is it just an illusion? LBN/Ainzcrad/Frito/Fc... why are all of the players Ubers mains? How did avarice get on this team when he was supposed to be kekking? And why hasn't Ainzcrad confirmed our time for RBY WC this weekend? Can TMM perform well in an SS pool stacked to the brim with talent this year? And what the fuck is dingbat doing on the bench for 11k? So many questions, and not enough time to find all the answers. However, if they do find those answers, maybe they can make a run at success here. Probably not tho tbh.
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#6 - Shin Meganium Tensei
So this was a draft that made no sense whatsoever - no surprise we're down in the storm drains of the rankings now. Apparently spell and Micciu thought they could draft Lily, Bouff, and Killintime and just kinda vibe out the rest of the team and make it work. The solution to that is apparently Sabelette in BW UU (prob never played a game), Maris Bonibell (who?) in RBY UU instead in what can only be assumed was a Sabel pick, and memedose in SM (though to their credit this is because cherry was unavailable this week and so spell got slotted in GSC), and a bench that has not one, but TWO Ubers UU players on it! So in a totally hypothetical and imaginary pretend week where someone isn't available (such as what happened right away in Week 1), there are actually no subs for anything besides Ubers UU. Can a top heavy lineup carry the day though? Well, not sure how top heavy Bouff really is in Ubers UU (he'll probably be fine with all the support dedicated to his slot), and in exchange kt has Bouff support for ADV, and the rest of the team has Lily support for SV and SS. Speaking of SS who is Lostmemories? Idk really but they better be good since there's no bench available. Hurtadoo is coming off a strong Rookie of the Year season last year and should be solid. Autumn did not have as good a year last year, but that puts them in a great position for the Comeback Superstar award this year potentially! Ciro napoli meanwhile is one of those people who is probably good, but also probably thinks they are better than they really are. At least they will have a good test in the SV Unlimited pool to show people what they're made of! Oh yeah burstbean is good but can he please stop naming pokemon after himself because that's psychotic. Honestly the lineup when cherryb0ng is in is not really that bad but the team has absolutely no margin for error in any of their slots because there is no depth at all here. But I guess we'll see how it works out?
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#7 - Donphan Behavior
We have finally gotten to the hottest garbage of the bunch - Donphan Behavior. Apparently the idea of putting a solid team together involves drafting two great BW UU players in SOMALIA and GoldCat (or one and a half depending on how SOMALIA is feeling), and then trading for a third in Sanguine. And while any trade could be worth it given the circumstances, they ended up giving away their only Ubers UU support while also trading away their better GSC option, leaving romanji in the GSC pool where they struggled mightily last year and is now facing an even better pool this year, and Suzuya in Ubers UU where they likely haven't played that tier much at all. So that must mean their other slots can pick up the slack right? Wrong! Cao Jie is perhaps an above average sub option for RBY UU but as a starter has no real tour success in the tier as far as I know. They spent 21k on zS just to slot him in a tier that he probably hasn't played in 2 years, and probably didn't even play it that much back then. There was no plan in SM so Ampha is just kinda there. TyCarter will have to charter the unchartered new ADV tier presumably on his own with no visible support on the team. Fortunately they have the legend of legends himself vivalospride in ORAS UU, ready to strike fear in the heart of his opponents, but this combined with their confusing BW situation may not be enough. KM will for sure cook in SV but will it be a delectable feast or a miserable abomination each week? And is that the kind of support that's going to lift feen and Career Ended to success or send them to the abyss? It's going to have to be up to captain Corperate n to pick up the wins himself if this team is going to have a chance to overcome the low bar of the presumed failures. Not impossible I suppose.
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#8 - The Three Flamigos
The other 7 teams in the tournament are all pretty bad but kinda close to each other in terms of how bad they are. But the Flamigos easily separate themselves from that crowd by arising out of the ashes as the singular definitive without-a-doubt worst team in probably the history of the tournament. After drafting Liam for 38k, they apparently just got hungry and started drafting food names like Mossy Sandwich, ThatOneApple, and NotVeryCake. Not a bad group of players, but then they started drafting other players that directly clashed with those same eligibilities like phoopes and jawabarat. And then they just kinda started drafting at random or so it seems. And then they had so much money left over from not drafting anyone of significant value that they just got an army of 20 players that collectively could fill out 4 tier slots respectfully. Luckily for them they traded for Estarossa, a trade that significantly improved the squad considering there was actually nobody at all that could play GSC before that on the team. And yet after that trade they are still at the bottom of the rankings. Amukamara is great and is going to do just fine, but after that there's nothing really of substance here. SV? Sure throw in yone I guess - maybe he can do it since he plays other formats well. Or maybe one of their other 10 bench players can rotate in if needed. Javi better rise up to the occasion and get some wins as the playing manager. SV Unlimited? Apple is good, so is jawabarat. But only one of them can play at a time meaning an expensive/competent player will be on the bench every week. NotVeryCake should be fine in RBY and has phoopes for some mild support as well if necessary. And Imperial is, lucky for them, one of the more knowledgeable players in the Ubers UU sphere. But the rest of the slots? SM, ORAS, BW, DPP, and ADV are all kind of just randomly slotted. Mossy played ADV last year but that's the extent of their experience there and this a whole new ballgame with no real support. Runo/Sificon/Rae/sealoo seem to just be randomly thrown into DPP through SM, and there is a greater than 50% chance that these are all going to get shuffled with different players who know just as little about these tiers later on. The only hope for this team is Amukamara, as the team luckily has self-sufficient Ubers UU, GSC, and RBY slots and literally all of the rest can in theory be supported by Liam if necessary. But who the fuck wants to do all of that for UU Fucking PL???? I sure wouldn't, this tour can go fuck itself!***
***I love this tour
Thanks for reading!
UUFPL EVENTS & AWARDS 2024 
Here is a list of the awards for UUFPL IV:
Tiebreaker Rules 
is exchanged for the two elves 
