Welcome to Smogon! Take a moment to read the Introduction to Smogon for a run-down on everything Smogon, and make sure you take some time to read the global rules.
Like I said, don't take it in a bad way. This is now not something that you can just work on and improve, it is something that takes experience. But I think you are capable. Keep trying, and tag me when you think you have improved your prose.